Holy cow, you two are obviously two very strong-willed people who have a personality conflict going on. You're both right, okay? You're just not expressing yourselves in a way that the other one can hear (or wants to hear).
Frank, you know I've been on your side since the beginning of this, so I hope that you will take this in the spirit that it's intended. I've read over NYS's last thread, and I can see why he's focusing on what may be your W's conflict avoidance. Actually, his discussion of it on his thread has brought me some clarity about my own situation. Anyone (myself included) who enables and/or denies addiction is avoiding conflict: conflict with others and inner conflict. I did this and now I recognize it. I denied that it was a problem b/c I didn't want to face it. I didn't want to bring up what I knew would be a huge issue with major fallout. I have never thought of myself as a conflict avoider, but when it comes to major emotional issues, I've discovered that I am. Yes, I'll send back that overcooked steak; I'll call Nestle to complain that my popsicles were melted; I'll tell H to get off his butt and help me with the raking. But I never told him to stop drinking until he got arrested. I never told him how much it hurt me.
I think what NYS is saying is that your wife, as a conflict avoider, is still avoiding conflict with you. She may well *feel* trapped, even if she isn't. She's trapped within her own emotions (guilt, sadness, love), even though you've opened the cage door.
I don't know if this is making sense to you; it makes sense to me! Please ask if you want clarification.
Nic
Life isn't about finding yourself; it's about creating yourself My thread: Trusting God's Plan
