Quote: Frank was loud and disagreeable and put a spin on it calling it an attack. Not these folks." That points to Frank more than it does to me, when you boil it down.
This is starting to sound like 'Mom! He started it!". It's not MY fault! He's the bad boy!
I don't believe you posted to other folks threads telling them how stupid they were for not taking W to the hospital when she was high on pot? Maybe you are are sarcastic to them but there is no comparison.
Oh, as an 'update' on that situation, I told this story to Counselor yesterday. She runs one of the most respected drug and alcohol treatment centers in the area. She said that there was no danger, and that I was clearly smart enough to make that call after I explained to HER what I observed and my experiences with this in the past. AND that if I did panic and took her to the hospital we would IMMEDIATLY be slapped with a 'being under the influence of a controlled substance' warrant, then they'd search the house and find the other brownie, take the kids maybe, etc... If I had done what you said I'd have a lot more problems than DB'ing right now. Luckily I was smarter than that and confident of my knowledge and decisions.
When you say that you call it as you see it, it doesn't help me accept your lack of respect for my feelings or the feelings of other people on this board.
In the case of my exchanges with you it was (and still is) clear that you want to prove how right you are, and how wrong I am.
I have not seen one word from you that indicates that you even recognize that from MY perspective you were attacking me, and perhaps say 'I may have been wrong...' or "I didn't mean to be hurtful". Instead you respond by digging in and defending your opinions.
You brought our 'issue' to the forefront again when you said 'Well I'd tell you more but you'd get upset'. You could have just made your point, and said nothing more. The added snyde comment was just spiteful. The only thing I, or anyone else I have heard from could read into it, was a statement to tell ME and ANYONE ELSE reading that Frank is a jerk who can't take anyones opinions if they disagree with him.
I don't dislike YOU, I just don't like YOUR methods of communicating YOUR opinions about MY specific situations when you FIRST attack, and then when I respond with some emotion and defensiveness you don't show any respect for MY FEELINGS but instead DEFEND your 'rightness' and tell me again why I am so wrong.
When I clarified the handling of my situation you continued to find fault. Nothing constructive came from you. No compassion for how I was feeling. Nothing.
Maybe I'm the only person who has ever been straight with you on any of these issues, so it has seemed OK for you to communicate this way, on this board. Hard hitting and never apologetic. Sometimes it's because nobody TELLS us what we say or do is hurting or offending them, that we never see it. I think we can all say that is true to some extent in each of our lives with our spouses, because that's a major reason why most of us are here. They didn't tell us.
Here is an opportunity to choose to react differently. You can respond with more attacks or continue to defend why YOU ARE RIGHT and AmyC, Myself and others are just wrong.
Or, you can pause and perhaps recognize that maybe SOME of your words and actions have been hurtful to others and that it's OK for you to recognize that when it happens and repair the hurt by using your compassion.
We're obviously very different personalities. My goals are to help people find their strengths through kindness, support and positive commentaries. I'll also use 'tough love' when there is no other choice presented to me. I've dealt with many personalities in my life, in large corporations or at the local McDonalds. Since I am a successful businessman and everyone I work with thinks very highly of me because of my INTEGRITY and COMPASSION I think I feel good about my ability to take criticism. If I COULDN'T then I guess I wouldn't be able to DB, since in this process we are taking the ULTIMATE criticism and doing nothing to defend ourselves.
I'm sure that you don't treat your W this way, just like I don't treat mine this way.
What are your goals? What do you live by? I would be glad to hear them.
I would like to put this issue to rest. I believe several people have voiced their feelings about some of the things you have said that they also saw as hurtful. Real growth comes from learning from others.
I read the book 'The Four Agreements'. A mantra worth living by. They're simple but direct. Here they are. The first one is the most important to me.
The Four Agreements:
Be Impeccable With Your Word.
Speak with integrity. Say only what you mean. Avoid using the word to speak against yourself or to gossip about others. Use the power of your word in the direction of truth and love.
Don’t Take Anything Personally.
Nothing others do is because of you. What others say and do is a projection of their own reality, their own dream. When you are immune to the opinions and actions of others, you won’t be the victim of needless suffering.
Don’t Make Assumptions.
Find the courage to ask questions and to express what you really want. Communicate with others as clearly as you can to avoid misunderstandings, sadness and drama. With just this one agreement, you can completely transform your life.
Always Do Your Best.
Your best is going to change from moment to moment; it will be different when you are healthy as opposed to sick. Under any circumstance, simply do your best, and you will avoid self-judgment, self-abuse and regret.
