Quote: All I wanted was to show my support. I got a nice enough reply to the effect that she does not want any advice as she is quite capable and has a proven record of success at interviewing without my help ..... Ok, so then I dwelled all night on the idea that I pissed her off when I wasn't trying to, will we ever learn to communicate, is that my future, ....
Of course you will learn, you are a willing student. You just learned that to 'support' her doesn't mean to give her advice. If she want's advice she will ask for it. Women don't want you to solve their problems. Support means just that, SUPPORT. I.e. "Good luck, I know you'll do great!" not "Don't forget to do 'A' 'B' 'C', then you'll do great'.
Quote: How much do you feel you need to lead that conversation?
Almost never. I wait for her to bring up the topic, or ask simply 'how is xyz going?' then very reverently listen to her words and if I see an opportunity I will make a short observatin inthe form of a question, that if she chooses, she can ask me more and THEN I can give her more SHORT feedback.
Quote: How much do you think you can give her room and watch cautiously?
I will only insert myself into her process if I see imminent danger or severe (and I MEAN severe!) financial consequences ahead. How would you treat a 'buddy' who was starting a business? Would you be constantly telling him what to do and trying to control the outcome? It's her life, let her live it.
Quote: I'm sure you'd be 110% thrilled at her individual success. How can you let her know you are here for her if she has questions or just wants to test ideas.
That by far has been the hardest one for me to figure out. Occasionally I will ask her 'how is such and such going' and IF she wants to talk about it she will. Then I'll ask SIMPLE questions like 'oh, your ad plans are still in progress? Yeah that's the hardest part FOR ME to work on too' as opposed to 'Your ads aren't done yet? Want me to help or do them for you? They need to get done!"
I think of it as the same as helping my D15 do her class projects. I can't (and shouldn't) do it for her, she resents if I TELL her how to do it, but I CAN help her if she asks - but to do THAT I have to be approachable. AND I can only be THAT if I never ever try to dominate the conversations or the projects.
Sure, I can do anything she can do better - in business, I've been doing this for a few more years than her. But she doesn't want ME to do it SHE wants to do it.
Just be a safety net.
Quote: Guess, I'm back to how men "state" and women "discuss". Looking forward to seeing things move forward for you both.
Thanks, I am rooting for you!
Go get "The Way of the Superior Man". I found it at the local Barns and Noble. It's of course on Amazon and is searchable. find it at Amazon - Superior man I like it, especially the sections on communicating with women.
