No it isn't how I interact with people who constructively disagree with my opinions. But, I let myself get angry by the sarcastic remarks

I'm sorry you took those as sarcastic, I thought I was making a point about the qualification of the particular statements I was responding to.

Here, on this forum, we advise each other, assess situations, in short, it's a support group. I don't know if you've ever been in a support group, but when you're in one, there will be times you will be told stuff about yourself or your circumstances that you don't like to hear, or may not wish to hear, and may vehemently disagree with. The advice/comments may be on the mark or not, but by participating in the group, you've accepted those conditions. It stops at verbal abuse and crossing lines, of course.

A support group does not mean cheerleading whatever.

Frank wrote: I interpreted them as hurtful to me.

Clueless wrote: I agree that NYS is attacking.

Tim wrote: NYS, it's not that we can't handle diverse opinions, it's how those opinions are presented that seems to be in question. I know on my, and Tim's threads you have done similar things today... on the whole it has been constructive (and you HAVE not always agreed with me or sugar coated your comments) and not judgmental or sarcastic.

So you see, it's not about how it's presented, but how it's interpreted.

Sorry about you taking them as hurtful, Frank. That's obviously something for you to work on. It's one part all in the way one "interprets" something, it's one part how that person then chooses to act, isn't it?

"No it isn't how I interact with people who constructively disagree with my opinions. But, I let myself get angry..." Well, point of fact is you did interact that way, and you did so because, as you wrote, you permitted yourself to get angry, because you interpreted the statements as "hurtful".

I was in a show last night, and backstage, one of the actors who was flubbing some of his lines was given a couple of suggestions by a much younger actor, who, although younger, had more experience. The older actor bristled and lashed out at him, indignant that he was being advised by a young pup. Actually, when you boil it down, you can understand that the older actor was feeling frustrated and embarrassed, and being advised by a teenager sparked a reaction borne out of the contained anger, in effect, the older actor was dumping his anger on the one guy he felt more powerful than. Of course, that wasn't the proper way for him to act, no pun intended.

Not saying that's you, I'm pointing out that the similarity lies in the older actor could've not interpreted the teen's giving him advise as something embarrassing, from his viewpoint of already feeling hurt, but could look at it constructively, and gain something worthwhile from it. The teenager wasn't telling him anything that wouldn't be good for him.

I should have been a better man and let it roll off me. But I didn't, I let it get under my skin. Big mistake. For that I am truly sorry.

Not a problem. Thanks for that.

I have been through a lot of complex emotional stuff in the past 24 hours

That's understandable. Sorry that you're going through such a rough time.

And no, I don't treat my Wife that way because she doesn't treat me that way.

Well, I'll take your word for that. Yet, "tit for tat" is not the best rule for dealing with people, is it?

You handled that situation just fine.

Here's the point I'm trying to make. Though everything about her condition worked out fine, there's still messages sent that she took as you not being there for her as she was for you. That's very clear and not to be dismissed, is what I'm telling you. People do keep account of injury, be it real or imagined or even if it works out fine. They remember how it felt. They remember the perceived slight OVER the positives.

And the next morning she comes to me to show remorse for putting ME through this.

What is going on?

Well, you're getting different takes on that. You'd have to see what else happens and how these pieces of the puzzle present themselves.

Frank, things are not always as they appear. And people do things according to whatever "payoff" is in it for them. Because we're complex creatures, we're not all on the same page. It's difficult therefore to know what exactly is going on in someone else, though with enough pieces of the puzzle, you can get a somewhat close approximation.

I just don't know how she could ever trust enough and love me enough to want to try again. I just keep thinking that the more she sees of this 'exposing' of the hurt, the more she will be convinced she is doing the right thing. And the 'in love' feelings she has for OM, whatever they may be, have got to get her thinking that even if... I guess I am a pessimist today.

You're making assumptions. And negative assumptions, because you're in a pessimistic mood. Think happy thoughts today.