My life just keeps getting weirder and weirder. If you have read my thread you've seen that I have had one strange event after another with W. Tonite was, well, scary.
We had pizza and a movie with the kids around 6:30 tonite. The movie was 'Hitchikers Guide to the Galaxy'.
She and I sat on opposite ends of the couch. Occasionally she would laugh and I would look over at her and she would NOT look at me. Ok, I figure she is ignoring me but that's just not the way she is, even during this 'separation' we are in.
Movie ends. Kids go to their respective rooms. W goes to her room, then comes back into the kitchen looking scared and a little weird. She says 'I don't feel good, I feel dizzy'. I ask her for more information, got a fever, stuff like that. She has her hand on her chest and says 'feel my heart'. I do, it's about 120 BPS. she says 'well, you know those 'magic brownies' we had in the freezer? I ate one of them about an hour ago. (Note: Her friend who hates me and is ecstatic she has an OM gave them to her over a year ago and they have been buried under stuff in the freezer).
Ok, she's all messed up now and I'm wondering if there was anything besides pot in the brownies but she tells me that (friend) made them and had some and it didn't affect her the same way. I point out that (friend) weighs about 350 pounds and W does not.
Anyway, having had experience with pot and with alcohol, both of which will raise your heart rate when they peak, I told her to go lie down and she says 'I want to go to the hospital!'. I tell her that during my drinking period I would have these same symptoms, high heart rate, and it goes away after a few minutes.
She starts to cry and turns her face away from me and says 'Please don't let the kids see me like this!' Then she says 'I can't believe this, I didn't know it would affect me this way, this is the same stuff YOU would do when you were drinking and now you have to take care of ME.'
I tried to hug her and she pulled away so I backed off. She was dizzy so I walked her to her room and she lay down. She said 'I bet you're going to remind me of this tomorrow, I bet you're happy about this'. I said, 'no, I won't. I know how it FEELS to be treated like that' (which I do of course, she did it to me for 5 years).
After about 20 minutes I checked on her and her heart rate was normal as expected and she was just high. But she was feeling pretty bad that she had done this and that I had to take care of her. She kinda tried to push me away.
I stayed nearby her room for a couple hours and in between put the kids to bed, telling them mom had stomach flu and they should leave her alone. After a while she got up to use the bathroom but really avoided talking to me, then went back to bed.
So here I am, trying to understand WHY after a year or so of having these 'brownies' in the freezer and neither one of us cared to eat them that whole time, she decides she is going to eat one TODAY? Maybe she wanted to 'feel better' about something. I asked her if there was anything she wanted to talk about and she said no. Luckily she only ate one. I took the other an threw it away.
Now, she doesn't really drink much, or often, and this was even more out of character.
Her day seemed fine, but she seemed like something was on her mind. This is just so 'not her'. Tomorrow she will be racked with guilt. Oh joy. I will be ignoring the whole thing because it's nothing that needs to be discussed anyway. But she scared the Sh*t out of me when I first had no idea why her heart was beating so fast. And even afterwards when it calmed down. I wonder if she even could tell that I was caring for her. It did't seem like it.
