The money situation you descibed echos similar in my situation. I have told WAH I expect him to pay 1/2 of all our shared expenses if he is going to remain in our home. After his 1/2, in addition to his other financial obligations, he has nothing left to live off of... can't even pay for his or his half of S3's food (which I of course am "generously" ponying up for him). He was none to happy about this, as it showed it would be cutting into his lifestyle, and now things are more dire for him after his DUI.
Anyways, the one thing I question in all this is whether or not, by showing WAH his poor financial situation, if I am creating an environment in which he feels he is forced to stay. WAH knows now that if he leaves, he cannot afford a decent living environment for S3, and thus, cannot expect to do shared custody. So am I forcing him to stay for S3's sake, but not really for the R's sake? If he stays, will he only make a half-a$$ed attempt at making us work since he thinks he has no other options?
When I think these things, it makes me question whether or not pointing out his financial situation is a good thing to do. I certainly don't want to be with someone who feels he has no other option other than to stick things out with me for S3's sake. I want someone who wants to be with me, regardless of whether or not he has all the money in the world, or none. But I also feel its a delicate line to balance; I need to protect myself financially in case things do not work out, and for my own self-respect, I do not want to continue to support someone who I feel is taking advantage of me financially. So I often question my true motives when it comes to discussing WAH's monetary situation.
Was wondering if you struggle with the same things, or if you have a different perspective?
Regards PF-
PS- Say, I think in the past I remembering you mentioning being from TO? I grew up in "C-Rillo"
PetiteFlower
Quote: Follow Your Bliss
~Joseph Campbell
