Quote: . No matter how much we detach, go dark, move on or any of the other euphemisms we use we still fall prey to the emotions we try to bury. Most of the time when I read these posts, I feel better, today I feel worse. Dunno why. I guess it's the reminder that it may not get better, at least anytime soon.
Sure, and it may get 'worse'. But what is 'better' and what is 'worse'? For me 'better' is I get out of the 'needy' phase of MY life and eventually fall in love wiht a woman who isn't dependant on me for their self esteem. I do not know who that woman is yet. It may be my wife. So ask YOURSELF honestly, "what does 'better' really look like?" Is it you and your wife 'getting back together' or is it you in a relationship with a woman who is emotionally together, loves you implicitly and you love her and neither of you NEED each other to live but instead build a loving interdependence on each other? Ask your self if your wife is CURRENTLY that person for you, and are YOU that person for ANYBODY right now? Or do YOU still have a ways to go?
Quote: What has amazed me throughout this process is how eager we all are to jump at the slightest hint of affection on their part. I think that's part of my problem, but I'm new to this. As soon as my wife gives me a sign, my expectations jump exponentially. I got to stop!
Yes, we do. I appreciated the ruffled hair gesture last nite and it made me feel 'good'. It showed me that she is at least warming up to me as a human being. I did not stay up all nite analyzing it, or write in my journal "things a are better now!" or anything like that. I just felt good for a few minutes. I look at stuff like that as momentary lapses of sanity for her. And, to be truly honest I actually spent some time reminiscing about the old GF, she was actually very independent and did not need me at all but chose to be with me. And she was damn cute too! She moved away for a job and we ended our relationship after about 3 months of being apart but seeing each other ever other weekend. Nothing like my W.
Interestingly, I was talking to my best friend last nite and he had first met my wife at his wedding 13 years ago. He didn't tell me then but said today that he hadn't thought she was the type of girl for me. All my previous GF's had been pretty tough and independent and she was a little clingy. But he never said that to me then because he figured he didn't know her very well.
