Quote: totallymessedup: WTH! You have done so much and she's just stared back at you, lost in her drug (OM) induced world, watching you transform from a depressed man unable to care for you OR her, to a man embracing his own issues, dealing with them AND still finding room in his heart to try to insure HER growth as a person through all this.
Thank you for the complement. It does seem foolish to us, but we don't know what she thinks. And she is still in the fog of OM and the 'I hate frank because...' crap from the past. Easier to be angry at me than it is to admit that MAYBE she messed up too? And I am certainly not 'MR HAPPY' all the time. I am even keeled but it hasn't been long enough for me to be truly detached. But I am doing the best I can and it gets better each day
Quote: totallymessedup: I guess it's how we're wired, or at least I am. You have made such great strides in your life and I can only hope to be there someday. I truly hope I am there standing with my family and can't think of another way. I still have a lot of work to do...keep yours up!
Thanks for the complement. I too have a lot of work to do.
Quote: PArob: I have to agree with the others here Frank, your postings have given me strength at the times when I need it. You have been ever so insighful and sharing. Keep up the good work with your sitch and just know that a lot of people on here are pulling for you.
I'm stil not sure what it is I say that helps, I'm certainly not 'mr upbeat' all the time but I am SO GRATEFUL for the support I am getting from others
Quote: spitfire23: Showing your W what her life will be like while still providing a safety net is a very good idea, I think.
Well, as my counselor said, it will be much harder on everyone if we were to do this on the day we divorce. This gives her and I time to figure out what needs to be done if the D happens. It also gives W a reality check. Perhaps in her subconscious she may think that I have done a pretty good job taking care of us EVEN WHEN I WAS DEPRESSED AND DRINKING. And she also has to see that all her dreams of being a 'traveling Lomi/Massage teacher', even if it was with OM who says that's what HE wants to do, just isn't practical. You still gotta live somewhere. You still gotta support the kids. It's a whole lot harder when you are alone or living with a loser who has his own life agenda. I have always read that in a healthy marriage, BOTH people have the opportunity to grow much more because of the support they can give each other.
C says that W SHOULD have been planning this for months before saying she wanted a divorce. I mean if it was 'inevitable' then where was the 'plan'? She is lying to herself because she wanted the affair to 'feel better'.
One of my friends was saying to me that she will probably give us a chance when she starts having to get a crummy job to be able to pay her share of expenses or when she moves out and has to live in relative poverty. Then being with me will start to look good since it's comfortable. I really do NOT want that to be the reason. She should not want me for 'money and comfort'. It will only work if she sees that I have cared for her through all this and she respects and desires that love and caring which includes money and comfort.
Of course, she could just need to be on her own no matter what happens and she'll put up with it until she finds someone else and they live together. I would suspect that by then I won't really care any more.
Quote: Spitfire23: I don't think there is a test run for my H in order to make him wake up. What do you think?
I don't know, why don't you start talking to him about 'settlements' so he starts to see what he will lose? Do it in a 'friendly' way lke saying "I want to talk about this so that I can get an idea of what I should be expecting when we DO get a divorce, that would really help me to Plan" Then nail him when he tries to tell you what HE thinks will happen and what you KNOW isn't true. But be nice and thoughtful.
