Well after last 2 days of 'awakening' my wife to the cold world of PERSONAL FINANACES She has survived. She now knows that since she wants to be 'on her own" that her first experience is to live in our current home as if she had to pay for her part of it herself.
So, today she had a budget that showed she could do it - but only if she got a real job or increased her client base. But she said she wouldn't have money to buy herself clothes very often or special things for the kids. Well that's the real world! Did you think I would just buy you another house like have all your life? NO, you left me for OM!
I talked to my friend 'J" about this and he thought it was funny that she started a divorce but really has no idea what it means financially in California. For example, if she had both kids 5 days a week and I had them 2 days a week she would get $1,700 from me total (high figure) as child support / alimony. Now subtract say $400 for food (low) at least $150 for electric and other assorted fees she's looking at utilities of at least $400 + $600 or $1000 in food and utilities. Leaving $700 plus whatever she earns, let's say $1,000 so she has $1,700 to pay rent, gas for her car, buyclothes and items for herself. Well, a 2 bedroom apt generally costs $1,700 or more!
Ain't gonna be a pretty situation. Of course losing $1,700 from my base impacts me a little but I still keep the house and conserve utilities and I'm ok. The kids would actually be better off with me since I have the large house. But the funny thing is that now she would pay ME suport, something like $132 and get NOTHING from me and have to live off her $1,000 per month. Good luck.
And I give the kids a better standard of living, she lives in poverty.
Do I like this? NO. But it would be foolish for me to think I should maintain 2 exactly the same households on my dime. THe kids should stay where they have access to thebest resources, ME. I work at home so I can be flexible too.
So, for a woman who said the divorce was going to happen 'any time' she didn't make a plan for it, now did she? Perhaps because she wasn't really sure if she wanted to do it until she met OM in Hawaii. But, A PLAN would have been better instead of just adultery. How can she sit there and say she was thinking abou tthis for 2 years when in reality she didn't "think" that there would be expenses she would have to pay for and other fun stuff.
They want us to think it was 'building up'. But even if it was, a stable person would make a plan, figure out the costs and THEN tell the husband it is now over. Not 'Sperm of the moment' decisions based on whales.
Anyway, if you ever want to feel better about WAW's financial future sucking, try this excercise in math and hve fun!
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Today W is in a good mood. A little talkative and friendly. She has her very first Individual session with our Counselor who, if you have followed my threads, is an excellent at guiding a negative emtion or blame into a recognition of your own responsibility in the situation, thus defusing the negative event.
Oh yeah, becase W is now technicaly 'in poverty' I convinced her to let me pay for the session as it is for the good of the family and she let me do it. Whew! That's all I need is her to STOP therapy right when I finally got her to go.
When she got home she was very pleasant and talked to me several times. I am still detaching so I only spoke about the qquestion I was asked and let the room when the conversation slowed down.
Same thing tonite. Geting along with the girls and nopbody is pissed off tonite. Very surprising.
