How can we get them back?

[hopefloats7]

In most of the cases here the WAS is feeling either trapped or somehow under pressure to be in our R's and the OP gives them the release and freedom to be themselves.
I like how you stated this. It’s almost an oxymoron that by having a R. with o.p., the WAS feels a sense of freedom. I think this has been one of THE most difficult concepts for me to understand. I’ve always thought by H wanting a R. with o.w. that it wasn’t a R. that scared him or was seen as unappealing to him, that this was proof there was something wrong with me.
Totally,
I hear you loud and clear. I’ve often looked at H’s actions as some kind of WAS-form of DB’ing. He’s about as 180 as can get; he’s gone dark on me; he GAL by hooking up with o.w. and picking up new hobbies/activities that are again 180’s; he’s very detached.
If he’s practicing “Divorce Rushing”, he’s doing a good job of it.
I can only speak for my H. and I hesitate to even do that lately. He’s the type of man that’s going to have to drown in the pool, kicking and screaming, before he realizes his mistakes. He’s not going to get it by dipping his toe in the water.