I suspect the legal proceedings will stir something up in him sooner or later.
Yeah, that something prolly being even more uncontrollable anger. The legal thing is usually the last course anybody wants to take. Talk about the ultimate "love buster." But so is abandonment. And so is adultery. So I gotta do what I gotta do. And it's not like *I* initiated the legal route. I was served with papers. You know what they say about a fightin' dog bein' cornered...
His (angry) reaction because of legal proceedings has been one of my fears, though, and I don't know why. He's already angry enough to stay completely outta my life ... and not care. So what difference will it really make? I'm also concerned about *my* reaction. Here I'll be, 6 months preggo, sitting in a court room against my abandoning, adulterous spouse. There's a part of me that cringes at what's likely to come for him -- but that's me being "protective" of H again, I suppose. I just don't even want to be there to hear what a judge is prolly gonna say to him. The last thing I need to do is shed freakin' sad tears in a courtroom. How emotional! There's a part of me that hopes that H's own conscience is being hard enough on him -- and a judge just won't go there. Then again, maybe that's what H needs: A good tongue lashing from a hard-nosed judge who really doesn't give a sh!t about H. But what's it gonna do for me? Push the father of my child *that* much further outta my child's life?
Ugh. None of this is in my control, and I know that. He made his bed, made his decisions, and now he'll have to face the consequences. I'm just so used to being H's "brain" and keeping him out of stupid situations like this that it's hard for me to let him go and screw up this badly. The really sad part is that I honestly don't think H knows that we'll be actually sitting in a courtroom. Judging by what he has told me, he thinks all of this will be settled between our Ls. He really doesn't know better 'cause he's never had to deal with courts and such. Sigh. He has a lot to learn ... and I guess I do, too.
