As for the guilt, your own examples paint you as having changed as a result of mistakes in your life. We all do that. Guilt can be a part of that process. Guilt and the changes it has caused in you have caused you to choose some of the paths you are currently walking.
I would never recommend that you not face the consequences of your actions, and that includes the adultery. However, I think you need to re-examine your choices made years ago as a response to your guilt. The part of the equation you are missing is your wife's contribution to the state of your marriage pre and post affair. By having an affair, your reaction to the condition of the marriage was wrong, but that doesn't negate her contribution to the situation as it existed then or now. That is where the guilt is causing you to make bad decisions.
Are you following me, ZB?
All the best, -NOPkins-
I will ferret out an affair at any opportunity.
-An affair is the embodiment of entitlement, fueled by resentment and lack of respect. -An infidel will remain unreachable so long as their sense of entitlement exceeds their ability to reason.
