Yes Ladies, my kids avoid W. But it’s not as bad as you make it sound and I don’t think that splitting up would change anything.
D20 is a full-time college student commuting to a university about fifty miles away and is working 25-30 hours per week in the District Attorney’s office as well. Mix in a boyfriend and a social life and we almost never see her anyway. Would a separation from W change any of this? No, it wouldn’t.
D17 (18 next month) is a senior in high school. She’s in band, a percussion ensemble, theater, volunteers at the local library, and is active in the church youth group. In addition to that, she has a boyfriend who has spinal muscular atrophy and has been in a wheelchair since the second grade. He doesn’t drive, so she spends a lot of her time over at his house. She works summers in the DA’s office as well. She’ll be moving to Lubbock and Texas Tech in the fall (pharmacy school). Would separating from W change any of this? Again, no.
D14 is the one adopted from Romania. Besides having developmental problems and ADD, she also has abandonment issues. There’s a lot going on there that I really don’t want to go into here. Just be aware that the C has told me that unless W is abusing her, it would be better to keep the family together. We have had many long talks about her future and I’m in agreement with the C on this one. If you remember, he told me that I would leave when D14 left home. I argued with him, but he just gave me a knowing look. You would have to be there to understand the dynamics, but I took it to mean that I should stay until then after which I should leave. We’ll revisit that next week.
Cally, I can see where you would think that about the wakeup call, but remember, we’ve been down this road before. W can work, is an excellent employee and has been very successful at every job she’s ever had. But being forced to work wouldn’t be a wakeup call. It wasn’t when I divorced her. She just feels unfairly put upon. You know, after all these years of being the perfect wife, this is how I get treated: tossed aside like a worn out pair of shoes and left to fend for myself. Just remember, she has NPD. Nothing is ever her fault. She never contributes to any of the problems. The only thing she would wake up to is how undeserving of her I have been.
GEL, I stay not just to keep my word, but because for some unfathomable reason I really do love her. That’s what makes all of this so hard. If I didn’t love her, it would be so much easier to admit that the R is probably doing me more harm than good. It would be much easier to recognize that you only go around once and that it really should be better than this. It would be easier to just cut my losses and run. But I love her. I stay because I said I would, because I feel like it’s the right thing to do, because I’m scared of leaving, because of inertia, because, because, because… But also because I love her.
Maybe the C is right. Maybe I will leave once the girls are all gone. But all I know for sure is that I’m not prepared to do it now.
