There’s probably a lot of truth to what you say. I left my wing (wo)man, it was a bad decision, and I learned my lesson. It may very well be that I learned it too well, but I did learn it. Changing metaphors in mid-stream, it may be that after thirty years on the train I’m just having a hard time accepting the possibility of life off of the train, but your suggestions seem a little extreme to me. I’m in the process of getting control of our finances and getting them separated, but I’m not quite there yet. Other than that one, I’m not sure I’m ready for something as drastic as you suggest. But in any case, I absolutely cannot afford an attorney or a separation at this point. It may be possible once I get W’s spending under control and get some of the debts paid, but not now.
Honey, yours seems like a better plan to me. That’s something I am prepared to do. I haven’t taken it quite that far yet, but while trying to some to terms with the NPD, I’ve been kind of heading in that direction. Accepting that ours isn’t a sexual R was a step in that direction. I guess what I’m coming to realize is that we aren’t married. As you said, we’re co-habitating, but there’s no real marriage in existence.
My C appointment is early next week and I plan to discuss this with him then. I know that we touched on some of this last time, but I was so fixated on the NPD and the ramifications of that diagnosis that a lot of other stuff just went right by me. I do remember that he told me to work on my R with the kids, but I don’t remember what, if anything, he said about my R with W. I know that he told me that I would eventually leave W and that I assured him that I wouldn’t, but that’s all. I guess it’s time to talk some more and form an actual plan.
Chrissy, I know you haven’t berated me. I just couldn’t come up with a better word at the time. How about if I said, “You castigate me for doing nothing about it”? Would that be better? Actually, you’ve given me some very good advice and I really do appreciate it. I’m not going to reply to anything specific, but you are correct in most everything you said. I’m just fighting what I already know to be true.
When I was a senior in high school, I started dating a girl who was a real loser. I was in love and didn’t see it, but she was completely wrong for me. During my R with her, I lost very nearly ALL of my friends. Every one of them told me that she was bad news and I got angry at them and blew them off. Once the R ended and I came to my senses, I learned one of those wing man lessons: regardless of what you might think you know, when everybody else is telling you the same thing, you would be well advised to listen to what they’re telling you. It’s obvious to anyone reading my recent posts that I’m struggling with accepting what I’m being told – but rest assured, I AM listening.
GEL, we had another discussion about the dogs last night. It may not be as strong as some of you have suggested, but I did tell her that she is not to bring home any more dogs until ALL of the current crop of “fosters” is gone. ALL of them. I didn’t follow that with the “or else”, so I need to come up with something to have ready if (when?) she violates that boundary. Hopefully, she’ll stick to it at least until after I’ve seen the C.
