First of all let me say I am in no way shape or form suggesting that you leave your wife if that is not what you want. I also am not saying your sitch is hopeless.
I truthfully think HD,Lou,Choc,and your self are just to nice and to giving while willing to except to little for yourselfs. Just my opinion. I am sure some of what you are willing to except is based on a fear. Fear of being totally alone fear of starting over fear of drastic change or some other basis. I understand this not just from myself but watching my mom who no longer has any reason to stay with my step dad now that we have all grown up.(her reasons for staying). Other then the fact that she does not want to be completely alone and knows at her age there is a good chance of that.
You berate me for doing nothing about it, but what would I do? OK, so she thinks, “What’s he going to do about it – NOTHING.”
Berate me is a little stronge. I am trying to simply state instead of talking in riddles and half said read between the lines comments.
The C tells me to take it to the pound. When I say that I can’t do that, he just shrugs and says that I’ll just have to live with it then. Is that really my only choice?
I believe that I was only trying to say the same thing the C was trying to say. You have two choices to take a stand/make a statement (not verbal) or settle for what you have. It is your choice so what comes of it or does not is your responsiblity to live with and make the best of
So what do you suggest I do
To a narcissistic personality, only their needs or desires matter. Other people don’t. Other people exist to “feed” them – it’s called narcissistic supply
I would find a way to stop feeding that supply. How I am not sure. I do not live in your home. So I have no idea of how you feed it. But I would locate that supply and let it run out. And see if that netted me results. And in truth I would never lack enough in selfish nature to even keep trying if I felt there was no chance of sucess so I may not be capable to give you any type of real help. But I will keep trying if you don't mind.
People with this disorder don’t get better.
No but now that you know the name of the beast you are dancing with you can learn to better control your moves. Find a support group that offers ways to deal with not just information about the disorder. The same as we are all here trying to learn from each other how to deal with the sexual dysfunctioning aspects of our relationships. You need to learn from others how to deal with her disorder and the ripple effects it has in your life. None of us sitting here on this forum that do not deal with a person with this type of problem can do anything other then support you. But you already know that. But others that are dealing with it also can tell you what worked for them how it worked and so forth.
I don’t want to ML with W if I have to blackmail her into it. I would rather just MB.
Consequences for not meeting your needs are not blackmail. Not being willing to not live a life without even basic needs being meet is not blackmail. CeMar wants his cake and to eat it to. He wants his wife to not only try to fill his needs/LL but take on his needs/LL as her own. And cannot except that his needs are no more important then hers and will never become hers with his approach. (sorta like your wife who feels only her needs are important and will not meet yours). But that is just how I interpet his situation.
If this doesn’t start happening on a regular basis, then ___________________________________________________.
Lets start here and start forming a answer.
What do you do on a regular basis by choice for you wife that means something matters to your wife. That she would notice and be bothered by if you ceased to do it?
I cannot answer this for you. Because again I don't live in your house and see what you can do and stop doing to cause a reaction or atleast make your wife take notice that something is amuck. But I along with others can stay on track and try to help you by throwing around suggestions or thoughts to see if we can start helping you form a plan to get to your goal. And if nothing else comes from it you will know that you and your sitch matters enough to us cyber people to try to help and support you.
