ZB said: -------------------------------------------- If you really believe that, would you mind expanding upon it? Why do you think that? What have I said that has led you to that conclusion? I don’t think you’re right, but I’m certainly willing to admit that you could be correct and I’m more than willing to explore it and possibly learn something. --------------------------------------------
Did you ever see the movie Top Gun? Among the many lessons that Maverick learns is to never ever leave his wing man. He learns that because he makes a mistake and leaves his wing man, who then gets shot down in a training exercise.
In real life, that is a poor lesson. In real life, there are times when you *should* leave your wing man.
I know that you never ever want to repeat the mistakes of the past, but it seems to me that you have gained an unhealthy sense of loyalty from your lesson.
In my experience, and in the experience of others, sometimes you have to be willing to actually give something up before you potentially might gain it back. I am not talking about some overused adage about love. I am talking about the fact that something changes in you when you finally decide to take action.
Maybe you made a promise to never leave again. If so, then you really need to consider breaking it. That promise made to a person with NPD is a blank check.
My suggestions are as follows and in order of execution.
- Immediately cease all joint projects. - Divide and secure your finances. - Retain legal counsel. - Find out what your legal options and obligations are. - See if you can afford a legal separation with you and the kids living somewhere else. - Tell your wife of your plans to separate unless she is willing to address ALL of the current marital issues - that includes sex and the dogs. - Move out (or not) with kids based on her decision.
It may be possible to force her out, but that would leave you with the dogs.
You will also want to see about full custody. Statements from your counselors would help with that.
You simply have to buck up in order to deal with a person suffering from NPD.
All the best, -NOPkins-
I will ferret out an affair at any opportunity.
-An affair is the embodiment of entitlement, fueled by resentment and lack of respect. -An infidel will remain unreachable so long as their sense of entitlement exceeds their ability to reason.
