ZB- Something stuck out at me while reading your latest post...
I’ve tried and tried and tried some more for thirty years....But I’ve made it very clear that my sexual needs aren’t being met (or even addressed) and it has never evoked any response from her ....I’ve tried and tried and tried to get through to her, but it never seems to work....
Given that I will not separate or divorce, how can I remove myself from this train wreck?
It seems to me that until you give yourself the right to have needs and until such point that you respect those needs enough to do something about the fact that they are not met, your W has no reason to change.
You've said yourself how many times you've tried to communicate and change your circumstances. You cannot change your W's behavior and it seems that you cannot change her mind either.
This is the only life you've got. Don't fool yourself and chastise yourself by telling yourself that this is about sex. It isn't. It's about mutual respect and love and kindness. Sex is an act that expresses those things. In your case, no sex expresses a lack of those things. I believe there are other issues in your M that also express a lack of those things, such as the dogs. This isn't "just" a marriage without sex.....because a marriage without sex is really a marriage without a whole lot of things. In my opinion of course.
It seems like you'd have to be ignoring a whole lot of voices inside your head every day telling you that this isn't right. But you refuse to allow yourself the latitude it takes to change it.
"Happiness is a butterfly, which, when pursued, is always just beyond your grasp, but which, if you will sit down quietly, may alight upon you."
