Embarassing to think that I am such a cliche after all those years of thinking I am so special, ya know? Maybe it was because he forgot that I was so special. I wanted the excitement to continue, but I think he got comfortable and stopped having fun with me. Took me for granted. I'm just to darn easy.
I've been reading Mar/Venus and thinking that I should have read it a long time ago.
My mind's not working great yet today..need more coffee. I'll keep processing if you think it helps. I know that reading what the guys are thinking really helps me too. I think I got so wrapped up in how neglected, last on everyone's lists, tired, I was, that I didn't consider that H felt like he was Last on MY list. My thought was that he's an adult, he can take care of himself. I have kids to take care of. I had supper on the table every night when he got home, the house clean, bills paid, laundry done, kids cared for. All he had to do was appreciate some of it.
I sound like a spoiled brat and that's something I have to work on...now, I feel like I'm paying my dues, so...maybe I'll grow out of it.
Each experience in life has formed me, become part of me, made me stronger.
Don't be embarrassed, I think many of us fall into a cliche' here or there...myself included I'm sure.
It's so very easy for us, especially as women I think, to look at our H's and think "I've got kids to take care of....you can take care of yourself." I thin that's just part of what we fall into when kids come along....it's not intentional, it's just that well....kids take up A LOT of your time and energy. As loveable, darling, cute, fun etc...as they are....they are also little energy zappers at times.
It is oh-so-important to make sure your H does stay on your priority radar. Sure, he can take care of himself....but he wants to feel he's in a R w/you too....and not just a paycheck, roommate, or the kids dad. If he doesn't feel he's R with you...it's all to easy to feel used, neglected, unloved etc.
BTW...have you read Michelle's book for sale on here? Sex Starved Marriage. If you haven't get it, it's a very easy read.
I had an interesting conversation with our MC last week over the whole issue of sleeping nude (this was my first individual session with the therapist). I told her that my fiancee used to sleep nude with me, but now she sleeps in full length flannel pajamas. I said that for months I have been requesting that she sleep nude or perhaps in something less than the pajamas (i.e. a silk nightie, etc.). The therapist suggested that I simply drop this request from my fiancee because it results in the following scenario: if my fiancee agrees to sleep nude, then she may feel that this is an open invitation for sexual advances and this may/will make her uncomfortable. Also, I would then feel rejected, and it would lead to additional sexual tension. The therapist said that if I understand that she is sleeping in her pajamas purely for comfort, and not because she doesn't love me any less, than I should not feel hurt by it.
I understand where the therapist is coming from, as far as how I should see it from my fiancee's perspective. However, this doesn't really make me feel much better as far as explaining WHY she used to sleep in the nude, then she stopped doing it. There was a complete change in behavior, it wasn't like she had not been sleeping nude and then I suddenly requested that she do so. Also, where do you draw the line - should we not shower together, because that MAY lead to sex? Should we not kiss in bed because that could potentially lead to sex as well?
You have perfectly valid questions...you need to ask that of the MC, he/she needs to understand where you are coming from on this issue. If it were a matter of your W sleeps nude during certain times of the year previously...but then also slept in PJ's when it was colder...then it would be much easier to understand she does it for comfort, but from what you say....that's not the case.
I would ask those questions of your MC....for clarification
I will definitely be asking these questions at our next MC appointment or otherwise I will drive myself crazy trying to figure it out on my own. These will be great to raise with my fiancee there with me, so I can really figure this all out.
On an unrelated note regarding sleeping nude or in intimate apparel, I went to the mall last night to get a few things for Valentine's Day. I felt quite sad walking past the Victoria's Secret, thinking of how I would LOVE to buy something from there, but my fiancee would never wear any of that intimate apparel to bed!
"I felt quite sad walking past the Victoria's Secret, thinking of how I would LOVE to buy something from there, but my fiancee would never wear any of that intimate apparel to bed!"
That is really sad Scott. I don't walk by Fredericks of Hollywood for the same reason. My W will take one look in there and say "trashy" and keep going.
My W has taken to wearing non-revealing PJs recently, but it is mostly due to embarrasment over her stomach (having the twins split her abdomonal (sp?) muscles and the third kid split them again, plus her skin is very brown and wrinkled). It doesn't bother me but she is self conscious.
I'm thinking though of going out on a limb a bit and buying her the following items for v-day.
I'll just let her know that I am not expecting anything soon, just planning for the future. I figure if she reads that book, one of these days she may show up to bed wearing that nightgown and ...
And at any rate, if the gifts get her upset, at least I will know how she feels about it. I plan on taking her to dinner also (got a babysitter for the twins).
What are you planning for v-day?
"Recollect me darlin, raise me to your lips, two undernourished egos, four rotating hips"
On a Valentines Day note.....why not try something that's a compromise in the PJ's? You know she wants to wear something warm & cozy right? You want something a bit sexier than a parka right? redenvelope.com has something my H pointed out to me that he liked. It's a red cashmere sleep set in a tank top & shorts. He thinks it's really cute, I don't know what your taste run....but it might be a compromise. Something skimpier for you....but something warm for her
On the MC front....I often intentionally saved some things I wanted to address for our MC's office, just because I didn't want to be misunderstood and knew what I wanted to bring up could easily be misconstrued by my H. Some people might say that's avoiding talking to him....I don't view it that way. I made a very concious effort not to talk through our MC when we were at her office....I would turn and talk to him, or ask him what I wanted to ask....our MC just acted as a interpretor if we needed her to. I found this to be pretty successful.
However...If you bring this up, and she answers it...accept it, move on. Don't dwell on this, don't 2nd guess her answers. There are other issues you two need to concentrate on that are more pressing than what she wears to bed....and if you concentrate on those, what she wears to bed may change on it's own
As far as gifts for actual Valentine's Day, nothing too fancy - a few items from Bath and Body works (massage cream and foot massage cream, things that she loves for me to put on her), Godiva chocolates, a nice card. The "main" gift is a one night trip to the shore for the weekend following Valentine's Day.... booked a room with a heart shaped jacuzzi :-) I already told her about this and she is excited about it (thank goodness!!).
