I remember when I first came here...I would sit back and watch and try to figure out how I fit in to the puzzle here. How I went from a normal, feisty, in love with life girl, to the woman with absolutely no drive. How could that happen?
I was listening to Secrets of a Passionate Marriage and Schnarch says something about our partners knowing us better than we know ourselves. That if our partner has something unpleasant to say about us, chances are, they know something we haven't admitted to ourselves.
I remember how it would bother me when H would say jokingly to his friends (yes, in front of me) how bad our sex life was. I thought, gee, if you think it's bad now, just you wait. What if he would have said instead, "Mel is just so darn wonderful, sexy, fantastic..." whatever, just anything but what he was saying. Oh, they would all laugh, like it's a universal thing that married couples have terrible sex lives. I don't want it to be that way ever again. I really truly want to figure this out.
There are other people here struggling with the same problems, men with wives no longer interested in sex, would rather sleep with the dogs than their husband. I wish I knew what the secret was.
I have to get my little darling to PreK, so I'll check back later. B
Each experience in life has formed me, become part of me, made me stronger.
Cemar, I think about you often. I think I was on the same road your wife is on. I wish I could tell her how much better it could be. At the beginning of the end when I first found out about H's A, I thought, well, he wants more sex, I can do that. I did, and you know what, the more I got, the more I wanted. Too bad, at that time, he just wasn't "in" to me...figuratively that is. So, that's when I got the taste of my own medicine and realized how awful it is to be wanting someone and have them turn away from you. I learned my lesson, just a little too late.
Each experience in life has formed me, become part of me, made me stronger.
Sorry to hear about your sitch. I am glad you are starting to want it more. When my wife and I do have sex, she seems to enjoy it, she just never wants it. Do not make the mistake my wife has done, thinking that "If he wants it, then I will let him have it". This TOTALLY does not work, and in fact, it is a recipe for making things worse. I feel like my wife is like a hooker, its her job to have sex with me. I want a lover, not a hooker. The difference is all DESIRE. I want to make love to a women that WANTS me to make love to her without me having to jump through all kinds of hoops to get her into the mood. When it comes to the sexaul encounter, the desire for sex is FAR more important then the actual sex. Why would a man actually WANT to ML to a women that can not desire first? Talk about an unfulfilling EC.
Why would a man actually WANT to ML to a women that can not desire first? Talk about an unfulfilling EC.
I will ask my H this and get back to you. You know me being a arousal then desire person who still has a H that wants to make love almost daily and seems to be very fufilled by this. So I will ask him why but I am sure he will say something about its worth jumping through the hoops once the desire does kick in.
Huh, I thought they were just leaving us to have some 'private time'. Or at least were stifling the laughter as they continued there voyeristic activities, as I salaciously tore your PJ's from you, MEL.
Sooo.
AHEM. The previous was a simulation. Any stimulation received from said simulation is MERELY simulation stimulation and not to be taken seriously.
Besides anyone who has been around here, knows I told Mellanie she was going to be my 'test' subject due to her marital status. Besides HP tells me she is hot.
She has given me a couple other opportunities, but they were simply too... innocuous. In my usual over the top fasion I didnt want to stick a toe over, I wanted to obliterate the line of too far sexual banter. and put my money? where my mouth has been. ....hmmm. moving on.
Thanks for playing with me MEL, I for one am thoroughly satisfied by our exchange.
for all you tittering lurkers who were laughing your asses off and leaving poor mel high and dry with her flush, I give you the single finger salute. <with equal measures of humor and disrespect of course.> your not nice.
What lovely alliteration you have there Blackie. I'm easily impressed by a man who can type his way out of tight spots.
I was about to go down the naughty road again, but I promised GEL that I'd behave.
Tonight I ran across a journal I kept during my senior year in high school. What a horrible tease I was... There's my problem right there. The thrill of the chase. Nothing made a guy more boring to me than undying devotion. I think I even wrote something to that effect. I was always chasing the ones I couldn't have and breaking up with the ones who told me they couldn't live without me.
When I met H, I vowed that it was going to be different with him. I was sure it would be forever and I think ...this is where I realize what I nut I am...I think I turned off the "hot" switch and flipped on the "cold". Really. You would think it would be the opposite. Once secure in your relationship, you should then be free to express yourself, your love for each other. Instead, I used it as a means to an end. Once the desired result (marriage) was achieved, I shut down the system.
I'm just a fruitcake. Well, at least I was...I'm getting better. Each day I think I learn something new...today it was that I'm glad I'm not 17 anymore. (Although, I'd take the body in a heartbeat )
Each experience in life has formed me, become part of me, made me stronger.
Mel, I want to thank you for taking the time to write out your thoughts and the process by which you became the LD partner in your marriage. It's fascinating to read your words.
