I was wondering how many of you sleep nude with your spouse/significant other? I believe this is one of the best ways of sharing intimacy with your partner, and wondering if this happens much in a SSM. It seems most likely that if there are sexual issues, than there are overall intimacy issues as well.
My fiancee used to sleep completely nude with me until I moved in with her. At that point, she started sleeping in her 'Eskimo' gear - you know the outfit... long sleeved shirt, full length flannel pajama pants, etc. If she wore socks to bed, I wouldn't feel any skin at all at this point. I have asked her countless times that I would like her to sleep nude or topless, but she refuses. Naturally, I point out that she used to sleep like this so what is the difference now. She never really had any type of logical explanation (said she is cold, but she was never cold before) and just recently told me she wish she had never slept nude with me <ouch> so that it would not be an issue now.
Anyway, I was just interested in seeing who here sleeps nude with their partner. I really miss this because (to me) it is really a GREAT way of bonding and building/maintaining intimacy.
This was one of the things my LDH requested early on, for raising his libido. I usually do, except in the dead of winter. I cannot tolerate cold. Nowadays I have an electric blanket that I keep cranked so that I can stand it.
How about a playful assertive remark to her, ala blackfoot? Something like "Tonight we're sleeping nude, so don't even bother with clothes!" and take them off of her, playfully now, if she refuses your request.
Also, you may want to point out to her that you are making a request of her, just as she surely makes requests of you that you comply with. My H seemed to have this weird idea that he was not obligated to do anything wrt sex that he didn't want to, although he certainly expected me to do things that I didn't feel like doing. It was as if there was a whole different set of relational rules when it came to sex. It took several conversations for me to get thru to him, Look, all I'm doing is requesting that you do little tiny things and, most of all, to keep an open mind.
No, I don't get very quality sleep anyway, so the best sleep I can get is wrapped up in something warm. H prefers not to either. I don't think it has anything to do with drive, we both just feel chilly and weird without anything on.
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I have always slept in the nude as a adult until I had my kids. Then I opted for the tank top undies. Now that they are getting older and do not tend to crawl in bed with me in the middle of the night often. I have reverted back to sleeping topless on most nights. But I hate cloths I will walk around all day in a tank top and undies if I don't have to go anywhere sorta explains my $300.00 electric bill this month.
I do not recall my H ever sleeping totally nude. He has started to sleep in just his drawers over the years. But use to sleep fully clothed. Sweatpants and T shirts and all.
Interesting question! We used always to sleep nude. Since the kids came along I no longer do. I guess I wasn't comfortable nude when sitting up nursing at night and then having to get out of bed through the night when they were tiny I preferred to have something on than hunt around in the dark for my robe. Kind of got used it. The kids often jump in our bed in the mornings and I am NOT comfortable that H is nude when they jump in.
Don't know if this is part of what is affecting his drive, although I stick to fairly skimpy and I hope sexy nightwear and will often let nighty ride up while we are cuddling so he can cop a feel of whatever he wants to.
Fran
if we can be sufficient to ourselves, we need fear no entangling webs Erica Jong
I sleep nude and the wife does not. We started out nude, but after kids, she started covering up. We have flannel sheets and a heavy comforter and me as a huge heat source, and yet she covers up head to toe. And yet she is now having hot flashes and so she throws off most of the coverings each night. So I have figured out that she covers up because the kids might see her, she also HATES her body, and she hates me touching her too much. Wearing clothes to bed when you have a HD spouse can be such a terrible thing for your marriage. Wearing clothes is just another way of preventing EC from happening.
I'm jealous! I do wish my fiancee would sleep nude. I could understand if it was *really* cold in the room, but the body heat from two nude bodies cuddled up (say, in the spoon position) is quite comfortable and nice. I don't buy my fiancee's excuse of it being cold because there were plenty of cold nights in winters past where she slept nude. Now that I think about it, I forget what excuse she uses in the summer :-)
I have actually pointed out that I am making a request of her, but her response is 'why are you making me do something that I don't want to do?'. She doesn't really see my request as a tiny thing, but seems to think this is a major request. I believe that a significant part of it may be poor body image (she has gained 40 lbs+ on her small frame in the time I have known her), but it really makes me feel upset that she would sleep nude in the past but not now.
I agree that wearing clothes to bed when you have a HD spouse is extremely frustrating. I guess the LD spouse is concerned that sleeping nude may just be an unwelcome invitation to the HD spouse that he/she is more available for sexual advances. However, I could also see how sleeping nude could be simply a comfort issue in some cases and be exclusive from any HD/LD dynamics. In your case and mine, both of our partners started off sleeping nude and then changed for one reason or another (i.e. concern of kids, poor body image, etc.).
I would think that the weight gain is most of the problem, both with her sleeping nude and with her image of herself as a sexy momma, in general. Some people it doesn't bother--others it darn near demolishes their sexpot image of themselves.
