TMU, I just had achance to catch up on your sitch! Sounds like you are doing what you need to do, and make strides forward for YOURSELF! In regards to talking to your W about C and some of the issues! I agree be very specific, and one thing I found is talk about things with your W in regards to understanding her that helps build her self esteem. I know that sounds weird to help build their self esteem, but they are in a low place also, and showing that you care and understand helps them feel better. In my sitch I know over time I always tried to point out the good things my W had done (although at times all I could think about was how evil she was!). When we talked honestly my W said she appreciated me showing her good qualities when she knew I was feeling bad about the seperation, and it showed her my strength. Really I do not know if that is good advice or not but it did help me. Right now personally I can't take my own advice because I have taken it to far on being kind to my W. I know I have to back off on how great my W is and stop being so helpful to her. She needs to find and feel some pain that I may not always be there for her. I am not being cold or resentful towards her. I am just running to her whenever she wants or needs a shoulder to cry on. I guess alittle tough love. Anyways TMU in just a short time I see some improvements in sitch, and be proud it has come from the changes in what you have done!
Tim
my story http://www.divorcebusting.com/ubbthreads/showflat.php?Cat=&Number=1049617&page=&view=&sb=5&o=&fpart=1&vc=1
I feel like a whiney little bit$$ right now! I was cleaning our bedroom and I found my birthday card from my wife (November). To call it a trigger for tears is a gross understatement! Where is that woman who wrote those words! I hate feeling like this, I really do. I thought I was doing ok and then God or whoever has to go and make me find this! I know, I choose to react to it. Oh well, I guess I'm just not good enough at choosing yet. This too will pass. Right now I have to STOP before she gets home!
Remember that person who wrote those words is still there! She is just lost in HER OWN crap right now! Be glad that she wrote you cards, or has done something nice for you over the last several months. My therapist made me realize that my wife has not wrote me a card, or has initiated anyting loving towards me specifically for almost a year (not even a birthday card back in March) I probably am a little extreme in that comment but nothing sticks out in my mind! Be strong TMU, and sorry for venting about my sitch on your post!
Tim
my story http://www.divorcebusting.com/ubbthreads/showflat.php?Cat=&Number=1049617&page=&view=&sb=5&o=&fpart=1&vc=1
TMU, Sharing EVERYTHING you're covering in C could easily digress into R talk. Be very careful. I'd share somewhat limitedly but not hesitantly. Say one or two things that make her curious to know more and then stop. Keep her interest up, wanting to know more. Remember, baby steps. Take your time in sharing what you're learning. Let the conversation evolve over time instead of all at once. Just my thoughts.
Tim, thanks for the cheer! I know I should look at it in a positive light but it just represents something that is lost right now. I am ok now. Don, I really like that idea, and it's also a 180 for me because I lean towards long, drawn out conversations. Thanks.
