Much of the advice to make a stand and make them choose between you and OM/OW is in relation to serial PA sitchs. When your S is off on la la land & having a R founded on an EA (and they have not had a history of this behavior) then the sitch is different, making a stand at a time when they are confused will likely lead to a decision but not one you want. I had always thought if my H had an affair I would walk out / throw him out. Unless you've walked in these shoes you do not know how you will react. There is a difference between being a doormat and dealing with the sitch, there is no harm in letting her know that although you are not going to make a fuss over her decision to go out with OM that it hurts you but that you understand that she needs to work through it and you will be there as her friend to support her getting through this. You obviously need to pick your time to have this conversation & to make it a matter of fact kind of thing rather than appearing to offer up the support in the hope of getting something back from her. If you can do this as a gift to your R and release yourself from feeling that you do expect something in return you may find a little more peace and calm.
