Thanks sahdaddy, I guess I know it will get better but right now...
So I managed to get through the night without going down the tunnel without cheese (having a R conversation before/after my W goes out)! I can't say that I feel better because I don't at all. I guess that's an accomplishment but I feel worse now than I did when I had the R conversations. She got home after the movie, thought I was asleep but when I came down from the bedroom, she was cordial. She made small talk about the movie and kept yelling up to me things about the Golden Globe Awards she was watching (can you believe so and so won this? etc...). I responded a few times and then went to sleep. One thing that was interesting is that she found my wedding band and put it on my phone/wallet. Don't know, don't care. I know I am supposed to take solace in the fact that she is still communicating with me. It's hard to do that when you can't stop thinking about where she just was and what she may have been doing. I know, I know, STOP. Ok, I would love to. Can any of you give me a frontal lobotomy please so I can do that? So here I am, probably good until the next night out. Maybe it will get easier, maybe not. So far not. I just keep seeing advice to people, here a little bit, and elsewhere a lot that says to allow this to continue will only distance her from me and make me look insecure. I know this is the opposite of DBing. It is, however, right in line with my feelings. I am not going to confront her. Not tonight. Probably not tomorrow and with any luck at all, not at all for awhile. Back to work on me I guess and try to find ways to occupy myself/have fun so I am not dwelling on this so much. I love my wife, I love my kids, and I am working on loving myself.
