I think the thing that hurts so much still is the mornings. To wake up, roll over and see her there, so peaceful, beautiful and not be able to do what I've done for 10 years! It's funny, I guess even though I am hugging her, it gives me such comfort and pleasure. Every morning I wake up I do so in tears. I want this to stop, and I have no doubt that it will...someday. So I'm at work now, writing so that maybe I can stop thinking about this. Today is the day that she supposedly has "plans" in the evening so it will be a big test for me. Every time she puts this in my face, I have to resist just melting down and going at her. Someone once told me (probably about a week ago) that you know when you've had enough and when you do, you'll do what you need to do. I really hope that time is a long way off. I love my wife dearly and I am still willing to suffer to see if things can work out. Time to put the STOP sign up and stop thinking about this for awhile.
