TMU, Some food for thought here... Along with reading DR I have found another really good book. Love Must Be Tough by Dr. James Dobson Please go out and read it today!
It goes along with the principles that Michelle gives in her books but really helps you understand the situation that you are in.
"Only those who have been rejected by a beloved spouse can fully comprehend the tidal wave of sorrow that crashes into one's life when a loss is threatened. Nothing else matters. Emotions swing wildly from depair to acceptance and back again. If one word must be selected to describe the entire experience, it would be something equivalent to PANIC. Nothing destroys a relationship more quickly than for a person to throw himself, weeping and clinging at the cool partner. It infuses the wayward spouse with an even greater desire to escape from the leech that threatens to suck his life's blood.....
"The way we behave from day to day is largely a function of how we respect or disrespect the people around us....That's why marital discord almost always emanates from seething disrepect somewhere in the relationship....If there is hope for dying marriages then it is likely to be found in the reconstruction of respect.
"What can be done? The answer requires the betrayed spouse to open the cage door and let the trapped partner out! All the techniques of containment must end immediately, including manipulative grief, anger, guilt, and appeasement. Begging, pleading, crying, hand-wringing, and playing the role of the doormat are equally destructive.
You would not have dreamed of using these coercive methods to convince your spouse to marry you during your dating days.
Back off and let them know you validate their feelings even though you do not agree with them. You cannot hold them against their will. Let your spouse marvel at your self-control. The trapped partner won't feel it necessary to fight you off anymore.
You must appear calm and assured - confident. The less said about your frame of mind-the better. It is your private business....Don't be so predictable. Tell them nothing, they need to wonder.
Anyway, just my 2 cents. Hang in there and have a good weekend.
P.S. My H did not go out last night. I was lovingly distant. Went to watch TV downstairs by myself. After about 10 minutes he came looking for me, and before you know it the whole family was together watching a movie.
This morning before he left for work he was very nice to me. I had mentioned that I really need to start walking the dogs (they are getting heavy from the winter) and he said "I can do that next week when I'm off, I mean WE can do it" Baby steps!
Anyway, I had to bite my tongue (and snap that rubber band) but by not bringing up our R I had a good night.
