Quote: I am a non-communicative W, with a H who liked to talk about feelings/emotions and our R. Years ago, before all of this started, I couldn't do it...it wasn't in my nature...i didn't know how. And i felt like if we talked about it, then i had to admit there was a problem and i didn't want to do that b/c i felt like it was my fault (i've struggled with depression). So, i thought if i ignored it, it would just go away. Perhaps your W isn't ready to fully accept her responsibility in the breakdown of your M.
Wow! That sounds like my wife exactly!!!! You're not her are you...lol... Seriously, the idea that she doesn't want to admit something's wrong fits her to a T! Her way of dealing with problems is to sweep them under the rug, especially between us. She too suffers from bouts of depression that have their roots in things outside our marriage, and of course, inside it as well. I wonder if you have any advice on how I get her to open up, or if she will eventually do it on her own?
Quote: I can tell you, it made me feel more relaxed and i think him too, b/c he realized he could spend time with me without worrying i would start bombarding him with questions about the R and ow. Imagine if the sitch was reversed...would you be comfortable spending time with your W if there was the threat that she would start asking questions about your R and ow?
This too is a major revelation for me. Of course I have heard the "don't pressure them" and "the'll run if you keep talking about the R" advice but until I read what you wrote I never put myself in her shoes. Even if I make the "pink elephant" something other than an affair/relationship, and say it's something else like a problem with my job or something else, I would not want to be with her if I knew at any point she may start asking me about the issue I didn't want to discuss. That is great insight and I would LOVE to hear any more perspective you have on my sitch. I will read all day long!
