Wow! I pray to God that your wife has finally come to her senses and you both will create a better relationship than before. Keep DB'ing and keep posting!!! I hope that I will be able to come here soon with some good news too! Take Care, Sheila
Yea, I think the lyrics pretty much spell out what she's going through if we are to interpret them literally. She wants to believe in me/us but knows there are still things out there (OM) that will make her stray. I also know that she listens to that CD constantly so this song has been resonating for some time. I was thinking of printing the lyrics for her (she doesn't know how to do those things and even if she did, doesn't have a printer) and tagging a little note that reads:
I heard you. I hear you. It’s ok to be afraid. We do have much to lose but we also have a lot to gain. If we make it through this, we can make the life we both deserve. Your smile this morning around the breakfast table was radient and reminds me of just how much you really do have to give.
Again, this is a 180 for me, actually back to the old days when things were good. I used to leave her little notes like this. Now and days I write these long thesis which she hates. Do you guys like this idea? I don't want to push things, but I do want to let her know that I paid attention to the gesture and validate what she is expressing, even if it was in someone else's words.
Defintely keep it short ans sweet! I am very happy for you totallymessedup! Sounds like we had a similar nite, but your wife came to you a little more than mine! We both have to keep reminding ourselves that the little positive steps forward is what we need to look for rather than the negative! We both want so much more! and we want it now! Patience! I am writing this moer for myself to look and realize I need to look at my own advice sometimes! Keep it up! Lets both hope we can switch to the "Success" message board soon!
Tim
my story http://www.divorcebusting.com/ubbthreads/showflat.php?Cat=&Number=1049617&page=&view=&sb=5&o=&fpart=1&vc=1
Thanks mama and spitfire. I really want her to know I hurt for her and understand a bit about her feelings now. I just want to empathize. Who knows how she'll take it when the lights are on and feelings are different than last night. I don't want to embarrass her but I think it's appropriate for me to acknowledge her.
Yea man. I want to earn a place on that board so much but I know it will be a long time until I can know I belong there. No matter what happens, I know I have a tough road ahead. I really keep telling myself that the work must continue. Today, as a 180, I did not call her yet. Not to be insensitive to what happened last night but I don't want to push it. We both know what happened. She will call me at some point and we'll see what happens. I am expecting the worst but preparing for the best. It's all I can do right now.
Good work! Keep it up! This is tough knowing that a positve step forward can turn on you in heart beat, but I really try to focus on the positive! I think your W has taken notice of you again and you need to keep going! But I think we both need to have patience! I want instant gratification....like I want to run home and just give my wife hugs and kisses, but that may just scare her away! It is what I want but may not be what she needs! One day this guessing game will be over and we will realize it made us better people in the end!
Tim
my story http://www.divorcebusting.com/ubbthreads/showflat.php?Cat=&Number=1049617&page=&view=&sb=5&o=&fpart=1&vc=1
Great news TMU. It shows that you have been handling this the right way.
You made a comment about being cynical about the R, and I can relate. I think that this might be the next phase for you - a little more anger and resentment and a little less unconditional love - so be prepared. Best to ignore those feelings as well.
Keep up the GAL. If you really do view this as an opportunity to change/improve yourself, you need to keep your focus on a few of those new habits. Less talking - more running. Like you, I picked it up (just prior to dday) never had been a runner, always hated it, and now I actually look forward to it. I find its a great time to get my "anger dialogue" out. Start out angry, come back happy. You should also start looking into some 5K races.
By the way, how long have you guys been married/known each other, and how old are you?
Quote: Good work! Keep it up! This is tough knowing that a positve step forward can turn on you in heart beat, but I really try to focus on the positive! I think your W has taken notice of you again and you need to keep going! But I think we both need to have patience!
Thanks for the encouragement Tim. I do think she noticed me again. Hell, I notice me again. I am down to 165 (5'10") from 178. my haircut looks great and I can once again dress the way I want to and pull it off. My self esteem issues were really never with my looks but it really helps to know that you are doing your best at personal maintenance. I do love her so much and I want to remain positive but as you know, it's hard. We have to trust our instincts right now and trust is mighty hard to come by in my life.
