Well, it's done y'all and the W was the one to start it.
After all that about changing my appointment, she called me on my way home and we talked briefly about daily life things.
Then she did it;
W: You have to just let me do what I need to do.
M: Ok, and I did want to talk about tonight.
W: Ok.
M: Really it's just time to stop the games.
W: Ok.
M: I will be home soon so you can go.
W: Thanks.
It was really not much more than that. When I got home we exchanged pleasantries (she commented on how good my hair looked) and I asked her for a minute before she left.
I was totally calm and just said that she needs to stop pretending that I don't know:
M: You need to understand that I know whats going on.
W: Ok. I know.
M: Stop leaving your cell phone in your car and things like that.
W: What do you want me to do?
M: Just realize that I understand you are going through a lot right now but I also need to maintain some dignaty through all this. I am working on what I need to do but don't mistake my temporary acceptance of this as passiveness. I have options and I too am weighing them.
W: I know. You seem to think I am trying to go out and date and things like that. I have no social life. This is more about going out and meeting different people. It's not what you think.
M: Well, I understand that and I am not trying to think anything at all. I have three ways to deal with this. One is let my rage take over and do something I will regret for a long time. Two is to file for divorce. Three is to wait and see what happens while working on being better on my own. Obviously I am doing the third.
W: I could have just walked away. I had other options too.
M: I know and I understand.
W: I know. You think when I am moping around the house it's because I'm just tired? I am doing it because I see what it's doing to you (memo to self, try harder to "act as if".
M: I can understand that. Of course, you asked what I want you to do. Obviously I want you to realize that our relationship can be salvaged and what's been missing can be worked on.
W: I know. I've just been depressed for about a year now.
M: I know and I have not done a good job of being there for you.
W: You seem like you want an ultimatium from me tonight.
M: Not at all. This is not about me and what I want. I understand so much more about myself and even you since I have been reading and soulsearching. I really just want to be happy and I want to see you happy.
W:....well...
M: So I am here for you. I mean that.
W: Ok. I just need to work this out on my own.
M: I understand.
W: (as we walk down the stairs) This is not really making me happy. If this doesn't make me happy I don't know what...
M: I would really like for us to have another chance at that point.
Kids interupted at this point.
I added one more thing: I really want you to know that while I don't want details, I am here for you to talk about whatever you need to talk about. No pressure to talk or make decisions.
Well, I don't know what to think. The affiar/other life has seen the light of day now. I saw genuine emotion in her when I discussed my options. She even commented (don't remember when) that she realized that we (the kids and I) were going to be part of her life forever. I took this badly because it means she really has been thinking about this.
Anyway, my kids need me. She's out with him and I am going to put them to bed. I don't know if this conversation is over or not. I don't see any need to continue it.
She gave me a big hug and left.
The end...will update later.
