I am running as of last night. Can't say it feels too good (hurts) but it surely got me out of the house, but not too far away, and let me calm down a bit.
As for the talking thing, yea, I hear you about the lies and such. I think she would lie, or continue to anyway.
As for my faults, there you are wrong. I could probably never have enough paper for those but I will admit that I have only realized many of them since this all began. I really wish there was a way for me to control my emotions (just can't do it when I talk to her about the R) and express more of what I understand about myself and more importantly, her. It's one of those situations where I think she feels too little too late but considering I did NOTHING before to improve on faults I did not even know I had, how could it be too late.
UPDATE: To add a little more detail to my sitch, my wife's family is wealthy and she has always relied on them for financial support, and continues to to this day. They actually make it possible for some of the lifestyle we live but even without their help, I do ok on my own. Since she has never worked, and feels that there is much to be gained by staying at least off of her parents s--t list, and getting a D would definitely do that 100%, I think it is one of the major motivating factors keeping her in our relationship right now. I don't think the OM has money but I could be wrong. Point is that I don't know what leg I have to stand on in all of this because while it may seem like she's willing to give us a chance still, I know for a fact that in addition to the kids well-being, she is considering other factors. Is this a good thing? I guess anything that keeps her engaged is good but not to the point where she just goes through the motions to keep our R intact so she can milk her parents for more. Really, I think this situation with her parents is one of the things she resents in life but I don't think she resents that as much as she does our marriage and would be willing to so easily give it up. I guess that is an ace I can hold onto for awhile but if I see that it is all about that, then maybe I need to begin to use it to force the issue one way or another, and if she's trying to make me file so she can claim victimhood in the eyes of her family then I swear by all that I am I will not give that to her. She needs to put in the work if she wants out. I will not give her the satisfaction. I still love this woman with all my heart and I want to show her that without pressure but I am also getting to the point where I am feeling used. Learning about yourself and trying to ensure your own happiness gives you insight to how other people operate in situations like this. Love without strings, self esteem without hate.
