Specifically what I want to talk to my wife about:
-Ask her point blank if the affair is ongoing as I'm almost sure it is. If it is, fine, it just confirms what I know to be true but I want to get to a point were the little games stop. I want to tell her that it seems like we have an arrangement in our marriage that I don't remember agreeing to. I don't want to argue with her or give her an ultimatum, just let her know that I am aware of what's going on and for her to stop trying to be SO secretive. I don't want it thrown in my face, but it's not like she's doing a good job of it right now anyway.
-I want to tell her that I know his name, what he looks like, what he drives, where they meet and that they talk on the phone all the time so she gets the full picture that I know what's going on, not that it really will matter to her but it will to me. I will tell her that I didn't even have to snoop to find these things out, it's because she's been so cavalier about the A that I just learned these things by osmosis. If I wanted to, I could know a lot more and she knows it.
-Ask her to bring her phone in from her car (where it's been ever since she confessed to the affair). It is so obvious that she goes into the garage to check it every 10 minutes. Why not just set it on vibrate and keep it inside. That way she can check it all the time and I don't have to be reminded of it every time I hear the door open and close.
-Clarifying if she is willing to go to counseling with me or not. She keeps saying maybe and we'll see. If she finally just says no, then fine but I want to see if I can get her to go on Thursday if she is open to it.
-Finally, just let her know that despite all that she's doing and going through, and all that I am going to be doing to try to improve myself, I am here for her and in a way that doesn't sacrifice my self esteem, I will continue to be whenever she wants to address these things.
So far, I have resisted the urge to talk with her based on a plethora of advice from you all and the books I have read. It's just so hard.
I just can't help feeling that just a little more honesty between us right now would ease some tension. Who knows, maybe I am straying from the path and need you all to smack me back onto it.
Please comment o sage protagonists.
