Wow, very nice words. On a different note, I have been reading more and more on these boards and I am seeing a bit more advice being given to "stand up for yourself" and not be a "doormat". This is one of my most confusing issues. I think, actually, I KNOW my wife thinks of me as a person who has little self esteem, something I know not to be true but I can see how she thinks that. I think it's why she thinks she can just do this thing and then work out "us" later if at all. The DB book, my therapist and many others have said NOT to bring up the OM or the R with my W but in not doing so I just look like the spineless man she thinks I am. It would actually be a 180 for me to calmly discuss our R and the OM with her in an attempt to figure out what I want to do. I know I can't base my decisions on how she feels but I know that until I know more about what she's doing (not details about the affair, just in general) then I will continue to think the worst. If it is the worst, then it can't be any worse than I imagine (I hope) and if it's not the worst (full blown, ongoing EA/PA) then maybe I can stick this out. I don't really know what I'm asking other than really wanting to be as sure as possible that detaching and DBing are really the right thing to do in my sitch when my wife is already convinced that I am weak. Sure, WE know it takes enormous strength to keep doing this but I am more concerned with perception because right now, HER perception is reality, maybe not for me, but surely for her. I am going to continue to take the high road but I am closer than ever to initiating a talk about our R and the OM to take the pulse of the sitch. Wrong thing? Right thing?
