I think part of what I've realized is that no matter what I say, do, think, etc. it in no way is going to affect the feelings that my W is having. She needs to process those emotions in her own way without interference or pressure from me. I think its been said before, its not about the collective "us" per se, but about them and the situation they are faced with. Obviously, it hurts us whenever they appear to be choosing A over what we've given them, but what can any of us do about it other than be ourselves and focus on those things we can control.
"Achieve success, but without vanity; Achieve success, but without aggression; Achieve success, but without gain; Achieve success, but without force." Lao Tzu
