My struggle is how to get her to notice me instead of the OM? Do I do something completely different or do I become cold and distant?
I feel she is "playing" me
"Cold and distant"? Think, please... does being "cold" attract anyone? Would you be attracted to that?
Look, it's not about being in competition with the OP. It's about the relationship between you and W. Be the best person you can be. If that's not working for her, that's her problem.
Feelings of being played are feelings, not always facts. She's more likely simply doing what she feels is best for herself, without much regard to how it may come across. You don't have to roll over and let them walk all over you, but you don't have to be rude or obnoxious or cold or unfriendly...not saying that you are, I'm just addressing how people usually act in response to thinking they're being used. The alternative to reacting in a defensive manner is simply to not permit one's self to be used, i.e., boundaries, and boundaries can be placed in a loving way.
You may not get any indication that she "notices" you, but that doesn't mean it's not registering. Cultivate some more patience, these things take time, they're not on your schedule just because that's what you'd like to see at this moment.
