What now-did what I was supposed to!

[Tim297181]

I finally had a chance to read everyones comments once the kids had a nap this afternoon! First of all thanks everyone this message board is really helping me in a tough time!
As debated my question is when do I resort to the tough love and push her to the other man! A little background on the other man is he and my W have been together since March. My W and I were supposed to move to another city together and because of our marriage issues and the OM she never did move, but I did. Finally after 6 months I decided to move back to the same city as her and be closer to the kids and give our marriage a fighting chance! I did this at the end of Oct and almost immediately my W came back to me. Finally in mid Nov she moved back in and we started marriage councilling together for the first time.
What I found out about the OM is he is 6 years younger, there sex life was great, but more importantly he is an alcoholic, supposed recovered drug abuser, and has a gambling problem! This is the opposite to me! My W said she would have left him anyways if I would have not came back! My W would never put up with the crap that the OM has done but has and seems to want to continue with it!
Through our reconcilliation and councilling in Nov and Dec she would still contact him and he would contact her saying he was going to get help for his drinking and gambling. Now after our trip to Mexico she contacted him and she said he seems to be doing great and she does not want to abandon him when he is going thru such a tough time!
She really seems to want her cake and eat it too! But I want her and I to save our marriage and for the sake of the kids! The kids are completely different since we are back together more confident and well adjusted! I just want to have this ping pong ball effect to continue! When is the right time to put tough love down! We just got backfrom Mexico not even a week a go and the best of my knowledge the only contact she has had with the OM is once in about 3 weeks and that was a few days ago! Hang low or push for her to make a decision!??? HELP!