Quote: Here's the question though...at what point do you force that issue of pushing to be with the OM? it seems to me that would be more of a last resort than anything else. My situation is fairly new and if I sound naive, plesae forgive me.
Well, my counselor, whom I trust implicitly, basically said 'you put 90 days into plan "A" which is DB, give her space, be loving and kind.' She kept into the affair. In MY case the affair is too much of a fantasy and the only way it can proceed to a real human relationship is to push her out.
"Love must be tough" says as little as a month or as long as a year. It depends on how much time they need to see that they are 'free' and no longer in the 'jail' they perceived themselves in when in the marriage.
My wife is at that point because of the db'ing I've done as is Tim297181's wife. They don't see the marriage as keeping them in 'jail' any more. Now they are sitting on the teeter totter and getting the best of both worlds. A stable home and a lover who is their perfect fantasy.
Time to upset the balance and push it one way or the other (with love of course). It's a lot like the dobson letter we've seen mentioned before 'I see you need this and I need to move on so go get what you need'
