Quote: I feel like telling her to make a decision and stick with it regardless of the consequence so we all can get on with life including the OM!
Tell her you can see she is unhappy and the only way for her to resolve her issues is to go live with OM.
I sent my W to Connecticut to 'visit' OM because she didn't know how she felt at all, and she ended up coming back 'in love'. Did I make a mistake? No. If I had stopped her she would have resented me. Now she is where she is but at least she knows I DIDN'T TRY TO STOP HER. No resentment at me for anything to do with OM. I have told her I don't approve of Adultery but that's not STOPPING her from doing it, it's TELLING her how I feel. You can't debate FEELINGS.
My counselor TOLD me to push her to move and live with him. The reason: so they have to deal with the possibility of 'commitment'. I did, she won't go. I offered to pay. The bottom line as I have learned is that you have two choices
1) Tell her to cut off all contact if she want's to reconcile. If she won't then YOU look bad to her.
2) Tell her to go and resolve her issues BECAUSE YOU CARE and want her to be happy. She still does what she would have done in choice (1) but is happier with you.
That's what I think. I personally would ask her to go back to OM and come back when she is ready. Be nice and loving but firm .. you aren't going to work on it till she has satified her own needs and is comitted to your relationship again. See what happens. If she goes, then ok. SHe would have anyway. BUT make sure she leaves your home and either lives on her own, or with OM. That's what she is asking for, make her live it.
