This is my first appearance on this, or any, forum. You are very lucky, believe it or not. Don't do what I did and give an ultimatum! It won't work. (I am from Northern Ireland and am not conversant with the various abbreviations used in he USA, so forgive me if I use 'longhand'.) My wife of 13 years, who was my solemate and the centre of my universe, was also given an ultimatum. Him or me? (when I found out) I haven't seen her in 3 months and it is killing me. (What I should have done was keep the knowledge I had acquired and used it to my advantage). Nevertheless....back to you.
You have now the knowledge of the feelings that your wife has. In that respect, and the fact that you are back together, means that you can avail of the opportunities presented to you! Ask her some night when it's quiet and nothing much is happening just to phone her other man to see how he is doing? Say you'll leave the room if she wants. Say you want to see him happy too. Say everyone should be happy, life is too short.
You will NOT be able to force her to make a decision in your favour. If you try, you will lose, as I did. If you leave the room, go do something else! Don't listen to their conversation, it will hurt you even more. Let her hear you do something you like. Put a CD on in another room. Cut the lawn! Do some DIY! This is a decision for HER. You can only influence it by your knowledge. Remember.."Knowledge is POWER!"
She will appreciate you for your this. You are giving her the chance to work through her own emotions without your involvement. You can't fix her! She can only fix herself.
And, if she does take up the challenge to phone the 'other guy' , don't ask how it went when you come back into the room. Ask her if she'd like a coffee or a glass of wine or....whatever. Something to relax her. She may have had a hard time too!
As I have said, you are very lucky. I dearly hope you win, for both yourself, your wife, and your kids. But always be prepared to lose. As difficult as it may seem, the only person who will always love you is yourself.
