I'm very sorry you find yourself in this position. I hope one of the other guys here can post. Check out frank's thread...it may help.
I do understand the unresolved feelings thing. My husband (who moved out months ago) had broken up with his o.w. early last month; this lasted only a few days, though. When we talked about this, he told me that he would rather take the chance than always wonder about their R.
I didn't have any choice but to accept this. In your case, though, it sounds like you were reconciling with your wife, and now she's questioning her decision. This seems to be a major point in the journey for you and I hope some of the more experienced posters here can chime in very soon.
In the meantime I would not bring up the other man and I wouldn't push your wife to do anything right now. Hold tight.
Most of us really marry only once. First love endures, even unto our dying day. And we never really divorce.
