It's not at all uncommon for someone to re-write their marital history to justify their affair. So, she tells you she was unhappy before...did she communicate this to you before the affair? She very well may have but you didn't hear her. What specifically is she/was she unhappy with?
If she tries to give you generalities for answers peg her down to specifics. You didn't meet her emotional needs......how? What does she need of you?
Also, I don't doubt your W was/is really hurting. As you can see from this BB when people go without their needs being met they often feel neglected, unwanted, unloved, ignored...a whole gammet of emotions, but definitely not special to the person they are with. I know what it's like to build a wall against someone, I'm sure you do too. Those walls don't go up instantly, they go up brick by brick....it has to come down brick by brick too....and that takes time.
