Quote: ----------------------------- The affair is over because the OM ended it and left town. -----------------------------
Has all contact ended - telephone calls, IM, texting, cell phone, etc?
Also, 4 months is not a long time for her to not find you attractive after an emotionally entangled affair, six months seems to be about average. That is provided ALL contact with the infidel has ended and she is past the withdrawal period (usually about three weeks). If all contact has not ended, then you will remain stuck in limbo, indefinitely. All contact must end. Period.
The previous 18 months without sex is because she was emotionally invested in the other man.
There are some good books on the subject of infidelity.
"Not Just Friends" by Dr. Shirley Glass "Surviving An Affair" by Dr. Willard Harley "Torn Asunder" by Dave Carder "Love Must Be Tough" by Dr. James Dobson
I highly recommend that you read all four. All have somewhat different perspectives, all have much to offer in the ways of understanding and recovering from an affair.
I also recommend that you obtain the "Keeping Love Alive" series from Michele and work through it with your wife. Folks here have had a lot of success with it.
One thing is for certain, if you choose to ignore the elephant in your living room, your marriage is unlikely to survive long term.
I will be glad to answer any question you might have, but the books will really get you up to speed.
All the best, -NOPkins-
I will ferret out an affair at any opportunity.
-An affair is the embodiment of entitlement, fueled by resentment and lack of respect. -An infidel will remain unreachable so long as their sense of entitlement exceeds their ability to reason.
