Regular maintenance is hard for us, at this time of our lives, but we work at it. He has *totally* ditched the idea that he has to be in bed, sleeping, by nine. He now says that is ridiculous etc. This by itself is a minor miracle.
Date nights and trips away alone seem like such an impossibility but we have to find ways to make it happen. Finding a babysitter when we had one child was pretty easy..people even came to us and offered. Then when we had two kids we had to ask but people still said yes. Now that we have three, no one's offering and no one wants to do it even if we ask them. Can't say I blame them but still doesn't leave a lot of options. H is *very* hesitant to leave them with teenaged babysitters and the fight to get him to do it sorta negates the whole purpose--he's so mad that he left his kids with another kid that we don't enjoy ourselves.
Right now, our marital maintenance seems to consist of properly interacting with each other. Blurting out potential resentment fodder immediately, instead of letting it fester. (just had to do this last night) Being positive around each other. Making a point to meet each other's needs. Complimenting and being gracious. Reaching out to each other but also giving space when necessary. You know the drill.
Still, the dates and what not would really cement the deal. Maybe I need to focus on making that happen instead of focusing on all the ways I screwed up over the years. Clearly I need a FOCUS, lol.
