always - H was in the shower, my HORSE met me at my truck! Other than the fact she wasn't supposed to be there, it was kinda nice. A friendly face.

I suppose I have to admit my mood probably has to do with H, and that he finally came home unusually late, even for him. The hay piles are all empty and need to be restocked, ggrrrr. I had just gotten in the house, after 8pm, had a grilled cheese still on the skillet when he walked in. He said hi, I turned, we made eye contact and gave an enthusiastic hi back, and asked if he wanted a grilled cheese. He got a wary look, looked at the sandwich, and asked what was wrong with it! We laughed, I said that one was mine but I'd make him one if he wanted. We started out fine, but that was the best part. Frustration level was up - that network is still baffling us (Becca, unplugged, replugged, changed names, renamed computers, laptop will connect to the network, but then he can't get on the internet or email.), and we had to discuss some other volunteer business stuff and I could sense his shortness and attitude, directed at me but we actually agreed, so I feel he was actually just venting to me, which actually is a good thing.

In normal times last night would be no big deal, we would go to bed together, touch all night while we slept, and wake up and snuggle. Oh how I miss that. But when he came home sooo late, and acted so nice and made eye contact, to me that was a warning signal and memories flashed. Memories of the first time he was caught at OWB's apartment and her H emailed me pics. H came home his usual self, never a sign of anything, and I acted the same. A real rosy night, until he saw the pics flash across my screensaver! There's a kick in the gut back atcha bucko. How does it feel? Sad and lonely is turning to anger now. Put it away, girl.

cognitive dissonance What's that? can you take some antibiotics for it? I suppose I have to these days again, I don't want to stay here though. I've been floating on the surface just enjoying the feeling of feeling good again, I will have to buckle down to deal with the reality of my idiotic life.

shocked - still need help txt mssging?

I suppose I'll have to start a new thread soon. Wouldn't it be great if life was that easy? Just lock up the old one and start new.

Live your life while you are still living.
Riding the trail less traveled.