Nice that you had a busy day....helps to really get your mind off of the worries in the back of your head! Who would have thought a grueling day at work was just what you needed to relax!!!
Glad that H is "maturing" in other situations....shows that overall he can come around.
Hmmmm, you have a great analogy here...something to work from...instead of thinking of how to back him out of the corner with dignity in your sitch...think of how the organization would do it with the othe sitch, and perhaps you can draw parallels....this is easier because it's not personal.
The most obvious would be to make it feel like it was his decision, but you have been doing that in so many ways. The other is perhaps he is afraid that others are mad at his current stance, or would be mad/doubtful of him or think him a fool for backing off....so them being nice to him, accepting, would ease this pressure off. He could be involved, but feel comfortable to disagree. I really think this is most of his deal now...he knows his guilt, whether he told you or not (does not sleep in the same bed), he is so scared of you hating him, of not loving him, of you making him feel inadequate for his transgressions. Valid fears. It's frustrating, my H is similar, and it kills me, because I have lain my dignity aside to change here, and he lets his dignity and fear get in the way of a mature reaction, and this is annoying.
In a way, I think that neutral R talk might be nice, SLOW....just so he knows that you are not mad, not something that he has to avoid. That you can do something wrong, piss someone off, and they can still love you. You can still stay in the M, it's not totally broken.
Maybe I'm totally off mark here. I hope you continue to have a nice day.
You are amazing with your insight, patience and ability to forgive and be compassionate to your H. He WILL see that....the fact that he is still there is something bigger than you give credit for. He is acting like someone scared, angry, stuck--not like someone ready about to leave.
