What?? Over 48 hours without a post from me! That is a new record except for if I’ve been out of town or something. I must be posting in my mind and just not getting it put here. Thanks for checking in on me, shocked. I’ve read a little bit of them, but haven’t been keeping up, it sure moves fast!

A quick catch up – Tuesday evening a friend stopped by, helped me outside, which I really appreciated, it was cold and windy. We decided to go to town and ‘dine’ at a place I had some gift cards for. 180 for me. We were ready to head out, and H pulled in. I told him we were just ready to ‘sneak’ out, and invited him to join us. He is still in the laptop configuration mode, and said he needed to find somewhere besides our slow dialup at home to download programs he still needs. He asked about places with high speed, and decided he would follow us to town and then find a spot somewhere after we ate. On the way, as friend and I were yacking about the horrors of computer crashes, I remembered some other friends who had high speed internet, and called H. We met at the restaurant, sat down, and there on the table is a sign that says high speed wireless internet available. Problem solved! Yes, I know, I hear groans of response. What kind of dinner is that!! But remember, for H and I to be that close for that long without a buffer....tough for us. And he truly needs his laptop to be functional, as do I for the website updates he does for me. The three of us had a nice dinner, H joined in conversation, we all joked and laughed, and I felt good. We had a no eggshell night!

Wednesday was a different sort of busy for me, we had important visitors at work, and I had to be the Hostess with the Mostest. I was busy setting up snacks and lunches (from the local deli, not too many Becky Homecky genes) and I wasn’t around my computer near as much, and when I was I also needed to actually get some work done! Cruel reality, I need the paycheck, this isn’t just a recreational job for the fun of it. At home I have a new horse in for training, and it’s a doozy! A new challenge to test my abilities. The horse was a little sweaty when our session was over, and later in the evening I went back out to check on him and then went for a walk. The wind had calmed down, it felt pretty fine to be out of the house for a while and break up the routine.

Sometimes I feel my PMA slipping, like when I think about H slip back in his routine of coming home late in the evenings again. He had been coming home earlier, which I liked, but it also made longer evenings of silence. So in the spirit of PMA, his coming home late is less tension, and it feels good. Even though our interactions are less, there is more quality to it, we can joke or comment and I feel a little of ‘us’ coming back. That’s my perspective anyway, what is H thinking? No clue, and I’m not asking.

I am also regaining my PMA in other areas of life. Here at work, I am starting to interact with people again. I keep getting questioned about what I am putting in my coffee, and how different I am now, but more like who I used to be, a fun person. Once again, it feels good, to be me.

I had a thought this morning that H is growing up again. We have this meeting this weekend in which he will most likely be evicted from an organization we both are involved with. It is due to him not agreeing with a form which we are required to sign. We have only talked briefly from time to time about it, the other day he said he did not think he would go to an all day meeting and work for a group that was going to kick him out at the end of the day. I just said it was his decision, but then why has he continued to go and work so many late nights these past months and not go this day too. Food for thought, no comment. This morning I asked if he had made a decision about Saturday, I was arranging carpooling with other folks. He asked what that had to do with him deciding. I explained that it made a difference whether I included him in the information and who would drive and where we would meet. He said he did not want to go but figured that he would. Very grown up decision. To go and state his opinion about why he will not sign the form. I also feel that if somehow this standoff could be reversed H would be happy about it. I think he does not want to lose his prestige, reputation, and position with this organization, but he has gotten himself into a corner and unsure how to get out with dignity. Very comparable to where our marriage is at. How can he come out of the corner he is backed into with dignity? How can I help him with that? Does he even care what I think? I don’t know yet.

I installed a new wireless mouse here today, jumpy little guy!

Any computer gurus know about wireless networks? We have one at home that worked fine with H's old laptop, but won't with this one. He can connect to the wireless network, it looks fine from both ends, but can't get anywhere on the internet or email.

Having trouble sleeping again at night, need to figure out something different. But hey! I feel okay today, plus – I am having a good hair day.

Live your life while you are still living.
Riding the trail less traveled.