Hanging on/The Long Haul #7

[WCW]

Always welcome, Always_14.
Thanks a bunch for honoring me with your first ever post. There's 1000's of stories going around this place, and I'm one tiny turd in the big pile of manure we're all sifting thru. (Can you tell what kind of day I'm having?) But, with all sincerity, your post was very nice to find here and boosted my PMA. I would sure like to say I agree with all of it, but I know there's sure been times where I reacted rather than thought it thru, but they're a lot more limited now. And, ya know what? that's something that my H used to tell me, that he really appreciated how I thought things thru before reacting. hhmmm, wonder if he still thinks that? Ha!

It is, for some reason I can't describe, very hard for me to reach out physically to my H right now. I would welcome him to come to me with open arms and a great big hug, I would melt completely, but I can't get myself to barely brush my fingers across him, or touch him, it is such an effort. I try, I force myself to do it, when it works into the mode of his avoidance.

I can't say that I've ever said if you need to leave to be happy then go. It's never come out like out. That must be me being selfish, 'cause I don't honestly believe that he'll be happier gone than here. He made sacrifices to come here, to be with me, to build the dreams and accomplish the goals that we have. Until he can flat out tell me that he doesn't want any of this as part of his life anymore, I won't believe it.

Thanks for dropping by, hope to see lots more of you! I'll probably be here for a while yet.