Hi there. I'm new to this forum, but have been "lurking" for some time--reading threads really gives me tips and PMA. Feeling a down today (full moon, the weekend of Friday 13th, who knows??) and logged on for fellowship and strength.

I wanted to reply to you, WCW, because, though you too have your down days, I really admire your amazing strength in always finding the silver lining and always having hope, for always thinking things through. I know it sounds corny, but it's a real inspiration and reminder.

SO--thought it might be nice for you to hear from an admirer as you are enjoying your alone time today (and YES, that is a GOOD thing in times of tension!!).

I too am alone, H left for the day, after a mutually teary morning. I feel out of sorts, but am trying to see to clearer days.

I'm glad that you have finally come to a place of peace. I had that moment this week. I think it might be detachment, as it was peaceful and without resentment (I was fearful that I might withdraw and be annoyed and forget to reach out and be available, which was a change I needed to make in the first place). It's definately a practiced art! Glad you are there. It's nice to not analyze everything, to give and not expect and when you do, WOW!

Glad to see that you have lots of baby steps. I can tell you one thing, my H is still at home too, and I have told him numerous times (most likely AGAINST all rules) that I want him to be happy, and am understanding if he needs to leave, or I can do that for him. The last thing I want is for him to be with me out of obligation, etc. Space is good, and I am willing to have that. SO...I think your H gets the same point, that you have given him so much space that you don't expect him to stay, and if he is, it means that he WANTS to. Kind of hard to remember when we're focused on feeling insecure (normal with our situations).

OF COURSE, that is not to say that one day YOU might have hit the line. Until that day comes, know in your heart that each night your H comes home to sleep on his couch and not elsewhere, with you is where he wants to be. It's not perfect, lots of confusion, but not wanting to leave.

I know you said that he might feel social pressures to staying, etc. I don't think that is the case. It's hard to believe (because I feel the same), but really, when you're ready to leave, nothing can hold you back.

Change is so painfully sloooooowwwww. Ugh. Hang in there! Some days you want to ring their necks. But then I remember, that my H must have felt the same way on so many occasions, and was patient. So, I can do the same. It hurts, it's hard, and it's OK that it is--I guess it's the process to UNconditional love. :-)