Quote: Kiwi, it is so nice to hear from you. What's this???!!! I loved more than my own life, almost certainly forever. (I've not totally given up hope yet.) I want to hear more!!
Not much to say, WCW. I loved her so much it was unhealthy for the R if that makes sense. I've come to the conclusion that the boundaries thing has to happen even in healthy Rs. You have to look out for yourself a little bit. Compromise is good but you can't always give the other person what they want when it conflicts with what you want. Rationally, I know that I should give up on her...that we weren't very good for each other because we didn't know how to have a healthy R...but I'm still haunted by her. I still wake up at night thinking she is there in bed with me and for a brief instant, despite how frustrating it is later, that makes me happy. Maybe someday, after we have both grown some more, there will be a chance. In my head, I'm pretty sure that that will never happen, but in my heart... I just can't seem to let go.
Oh, well, enough with the hijacking.
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But, I do still believe that if we could work TOGETHER instead of apart or even parallel we can accomplish it all. But he won't let me in. And actually, he/we have let some of it go already, H won't take in horses for training anymore. The problem with that is that makes a huge cut in revenue also, and is one less thing we work on together.
No "buts". It's not a matter of could. If I'm right, he doesn't *want* to *work* together right now so it is a waste of time to think this way.
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Is he spoiled that I continue to handle it? probably, but what else do I do? Find a room and move out? dump it all in his lap? I honestly don't think I can do that. I've looked, I've contemplated, but when it comes right down to it, I can't. I could use up all my vacation time and take an extended stay in some unknown location...with my horse, my dog, at the end of a long dirt road... where cell phones don't work. Oh geesh, someone just walked thru and woke me up.
Only you can answer that question for your situation. If it was me, given what I have read on this board, I would start scaling back the operations and, heck, even start looking for a job "working for the man". That's easy for me to say sitting here since I don't know the details of your financials but my guess is that you are going to have to make a choice between the marriage and the business/farm. I really get the sense that the stress and responsibility of the business is central to your problems.
I know I know...it was a mutual agreement to pursue the business the way you have. He should just stand up and take care of the responsibilities that he took on. He's not going to do that right now though. And he probably has different feelings, right or wrong, about the whole ball of wax.
Again, only you know your situation well enough to make these calls. I just thought I would throw my two cents in based on my experiences but I might be completely out in left field.
