Been thinking about you alot
What I see is that you H is depressed, he sees himself as a failure, started when he couldn't be the business man that he thought he was. Then the injury, and you did it all, he was kept, he was not needed. This is going on in the back of his mind and the resentment increases. You were busy with day to day life, doing what needed to be done for both of you, picking up the slack out of love and didn't realize that the funk that he was getting into was b/c you were able to do it all w/o him. Even the things that he couldn't do (checkbook) As this eats away, he sees "signs" refernce back to the events over 2-5 years. They are signs that he is getting older and he needs to take care of all those dreams that he has put aside to be the "family man" and he thinks 'waht was the point in being a family man anyway, she doesn't need me, she never needed me' and he thinks more about the childhood plans and dreams, and becomes more and more bitter for not doing anything that was on his "in 10 years" list from when he graduated high school. OW walks in, they talk, she appreciates him, she telss him how wonderful he is, how great his carpentry is, how good he is with the horse. Meanwhile your up to your ears in maneur and clueless. Things progress w/OW and he thinks again, WCW doesn't need me, I am a failure in her eyes, but I am not a failure OW sees me for who I "really" am.
And from there you get to today.
If this sounds right, your job is to become his head cheerleader and make him feel needed. Really and its going to be difficult. When you do something for him he is angry w/you b/c you are pointing out his shortcomings. When you "plan" you are pointing out how organized you are, another shortcoming. Ask his opinion, find things, that he is going to know more than you. Have a friend over to break the handle going up the stairs so that he can fix it. He's always so good at stuff like that, everyone is so amazed at what wonderful carpentry work you do. Get it. The retail business, what is his best function. What seems to come natural to him with it. What does he do w/o thinking, Guess what you can't do it, your just not that smart, you NEEEEEEED him. and when he does it, remind him how amazing he really is.
DR 101 when there is OW involved find out what need she fulfills in your H and you do it better.
Even if OW is gone, its a void to fill. He doesn't seem to be over the bitterness and depression of feeling like a failure, and your the biggest reminder b/c he is doing everything that he can to deny he feels that way and up you pop with demands (in his mind) Its a touch road. and there is a delecate balance between needing his skills and demanding from him. Play up those skills