Finances, sounds like he has taken over his finances.??? Self employemnt? What was the catalyst to this. Can this be reversed to a joint checking which both of you input $$ and sit down once every 2 weeks to pay the bills.
Your stitch is about the same as mine in that regard, except my H took over his new bills when he moved out and created them, leaving all old bills to me. I hated it too, but now I am faced with new financial dilemmas, and let me tell you, your credit score is not such a big deal. To start with utilities, apart from needing them, and that shutoff notice, they don’t show up on your credit score. My H’s credit score totally is due to my work on it. Had I only known that I was setting him up for the ability to leave....
The low spot financially could be wearing on him. Doesn’t want other people to know? Just thinks that the money will appear, maybe even subconsciously thinks its your fault, b/c the way you handled money was different from him and he always got by b4, now he’s just sick of being poor. Sound right? How about telling him that your sick of being poor too. Find a way to say it that sounds better than that. You need to let him know that it is not his fault, and as a matter of fact, you think that with his help, the 2 of you can make things better. Praise, validate and encourage.
The house
Yep I’m the neat freak too, never the same when you get the slob. Here’s an e-mail that I got, it had some funny pictures to it, but I am not computer savvy, they didn’t copy: I don't do windows because I love birds and don't want one to run into a clean window and get hurt. I don't wax floors because . I am terrified a guest will slip and get hurt then I'll feel terrible (plus they may sue me.) I don't mind the dust bunnies because . They are very good company, I have named most of them, and they agree with everything I say I don't disturb cobwebs because . I want every creature to have a home of their own. I don't Spring Clean because ... I love all the seasons and don't want the others to get jealous. I don't pull weeds in the garden because . I don't want to get in God's way, he is an excellent designer. I don't do gourmet meals when I entertain because . I don't want my guests to stress out over what to make when they invite me over for dinner. I don't iron because . I choose to believe them when they say "Permanent Press". I don't stress much on anything because...... "A Type" personalities die young and I want to stick around and become a wrinkled up crusty ol' woman!!!!
we don’t have livestock, but we have lots of weeds! Make a choice, would you rather press your sheets or use that time to be with your H. Trust me, I used to iron my underwear. I am AR, OC, and about to die. I gave up a lot of my old habits in order to keep my H happy. Then I ran into other issues.
I’ve gotten the my opinion doesn’t matter speech too. Make sure that it matters. Do what you always do, when it comes to the things that he would have done, how about saying, you’ve had a rough day, I though I would help you with X, do you want to join me, or what would you prefer.
Quote: What kind of guy is/was he? The best, the absolute best. Friend, helper, lover, dependable, caring, sensitive, creative, funny, smart, ready to help others, soft, with a tough guy exterior but cried as hard as I did when our pet chicken was killed. And he still is that guy, except to me. He has a huge ego that takes a lot of fuel, he thrives on people talking about how good he is and if they seek his advice. Yet he never comes off as arrogant.
You are married to my H!
Here’s something that I said after he moved out which made him melt like butter: “you’re amazing” Find a way to say that.
Re: him not saying goodbye, what did you say when you went outside. Do onto others...
Use that credit card conversation to try the above suggestion of getting it back to a joint thing. Honestly a M is a partnership, you doing it, or him doing it is not a partnership.
Mystery, Hmmm, can’t give you any ideas yet.
Maybe something is ready to blow. Put on your happy face, PMA, and suppress it.
Pride is a big thing, especially for guys. He needs to feel like he is not “kept” that he is the MAN, the breadwinner, your hero. Look back 2 -5 years, what happened? His business, a relative die, was he affected by 9/11?