What are the things that you have been in charge of? Finances, and we did well. Then H went self employed and took over his own checking,etc. Been an increasing struggle because he made good money, spent everything and more than he made, then got hurt, and we’ve hit a very low spot and struggle. And it’s hard to discuss it, before we were together H had business’s that went broke, and he gets very defensive about HIS finances. His bills are usually paid late after reminders and collector calls, bounces checks, finance charges, late fees – I hate it! But he still has a good credit score based on our first 10 years when I handled all or most of it. The house, like it or not. I had a neat organized house before H moved in. Never been the same since. He makes messes faster than I can clean it up. And then gets upset if I do clean up and he can’t find something. Outside – livestock, and everything involved, used to be joint. Now I have trouble getting H to give me his thoughts or ideas and share, but he’ll just do it. Or he won’t. And then I do. And then he gets upset and says whatever he thinks doesn’t matter anyway.
What kind of guy is/was he? The best, the absolute best. Friend, helper, lover, dependable, caring, sensitive, creative, funny, smart, ready to help others, soft, with a tough guy exterior but cried as hard as I did when our pet chicken was killed. And he still is that guy, except to me. He has a huge ego that takes a lot of fuel, he thrives on people talking about how good he is and if they seek his advice. Yet he never comes off as arrogant. -------------- I sort of blew it tonight. Just as I came down the road to home H was driving away. We were close enough to see vehicles but not to wave. He came home an hour or so later and I was outside playing with the digital camera and taking dog pics. He mostly ignored me, then finally said hello. Tonight is his skiing night, so I figured he would only be home a few minutes. I sorta followed him into the house, but I felt like an unwanted puppy, so I went back outside with the rest of the dogs, and saddled up my horse and rode for a while. Finished that and started chores, heard H’s truck start up and drive out. WTF? Can’t even say goodbye now? I should’ve just let it go, but I called as he drove up the road, and said ‘hi and thanks for saying goodbye’. He sounded surprised. Cell phone trouble at just the right time and I lost the connection, so I called back but he didn’t answer, and then he called me back. I asked what his dilemma was tonight, he said he had to get a credit card bill paid on line by 5pm, and with our dial up connection he had trouble with it, couldn’t get it done in time, then realized it was due tomorrow. That lead into a conversation about our credit card accounts, etc., how much we each owe, so I guess it was good information for us each to know.
What am I doing to create mystery? Sshhh, I can’t say that here, just in case H is reading. But if you have any ideas, list them in secret code that only DB piecers will understand and I’ll put them to good use. Or email would be great! ‘cause I learned from H to put passwords on everything except the zippers on my jeans! Is that mystery?
Honestly, I have two major problems. I can’t shake this nagging feeling I have that something is ready to blow. And I am having an increasing amount of frustration that this has been going on for two years and more, and I feel even further away from piecing than I did back in August/September/October. Those were our best months out of the last 28.
Live your life while you are still living. Riding the trail less traveled.
